I really enjoyed reading all your comments and perspectives on mommy guilt. Yes, it’s universal and as my husband pointed out, even dads are prone to it (okay honey, I get it, the whole Cat’s in the Cradle thing). So, in an effort to deal with our daily dose of mommy guilt, I’d like to share some (hopefully) helpful tips. Many of these have come straight from you, my thoughtful and wise readers. These are likely things we’ve all heard or read before…but a little friendly reminder never hurts.
- Get plenty of sleep! I need to remind myself of this constantly. This should be written on the back of my hand, on post it notes around the house, or I need to assign someone the task of putting me to bed. Without enough sleep, all I want to do is lay down and take a long nap. And of course, I end up feeling guilty about that.
- Use it (the mommy guilt) constructively but don’t dwell on it. A healthy dose of mommy guilt can push us to do things better but it’s definitely a fine line between that and beating ourselves up over every little thing.
- Carve out some time for you. As the saying goes, a happy mommy equals a happy family.
- Get over the breastfeeding guilt. I’m still working on this one and it seems so are a lot of you. I do believe our current culture and medical climate puts a lot of pressure on moms today to succeed at it. I’m definitely pro breastfeeding, however, if for whatever reason, it’s not working for you…that’s okay. Your baby will be okay. You love your baby. You did what you could. Now focus on giving your baby the love and nutrition that you CAN provide.
- On the days it seems nothing is going right (i.e. the house is in shambles, dinner is still up in the air, the kids missed their bath, the laundry is piling up), opt for a change of scenery. Get the kiddos buckled into their car seats and go for a drive. If you happen to get your favorite iced coffee at your favorite drive-through coffee house…even better.
- Forget the chores for 20 minutes. Get down and play with your kids. Be in the moment. Those 20 minutes will do a lot to recharge you and your kids.
- Block out the negative chatter. Even if it’s in your own head. You’re a good mom.
- Quick way to melt guilt: grab your little munchkins, give them a tight squeeze and tell them that you love them. Can’t go wrong there and you instantly feel better. Even if your 5 year old squirms and wiggles away saying “Mooommm…noooo…”, he’s still smiling and secretly loves it.
- GET SOME SLEEP…it’s worth repeating. You’ll be less *snarky* in the morning and ready to handle whatever the day throws at you.
Okay, enough said…we’ve all got mommy guilt…but let’s not overdose on it. Take what we can from it…let the rest go. Have a wonderful weekend!
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I'm glad I'm not alone in the mommy guilt department. All of your suggestions are great and I think it's important to remember that some days are good and others are bad and all you can do is your best.
I'm glad I'm not alone in the mommy guilt department. All of your suggestions are great and I think it's important to remember that some days are good and others are bad and all you can do is your best.
You're absolutely right–mommy guilt does have a fine line. Sometimes it pushes me go a little further for Lboy & sometimes it hinders me.
And sleep is huge for me! Lack of sleep is also my anxiety trigger!
I needed this reminder today. I have been struggling with mommy guilt. My children have been sick, watching too much tv, I have not put a good dinner on the table but once this week, I could go on and on. I have been trying to break through the mommy guilt and focus on my kids this morning.
I needed this reminder today. I have been struggling with mommy guilt. My children have been sick, watching too much tv, I have not put a good dinner on the table but once this week, I could go on and on. I have been trying to break through the mommy guilt and focus on my kids this morning.
Love both of your mommy guilt posts! Getting coffee treats was great for me. I used morning nap time for me and afternoon nap time for housework. I was devastated when they stopped taking their morning nap!! Sleep is everything to me, too! I spent about 5 years not sleeping because of nighttime worry. It didn't seem to happen so much during the day. Everything seemed magnified at night. But the great outcome is that I wrote my book at night and helped myself (and hopefully others) move beyond worry.
Love both of your mommy guilt posts! Getting coffee treats was great for me. I used morning nap time for me and afternoon nap time for housework. I was devastated when they stopped taking their morning nap!! Sleep is everything to me, too! I spent about 5 years not sleeping because of nighttime worry. It didn't seem to happen so much during the day. Everything seemed magnified at night. But the great outcome is that I wrote my book at night and helped myself (and hopefully others) move beyond worry.
Great post, although I don't think more sleep will lessen my snark! LOL!
Great post, although I don't think more sleep will lessen my snark! LOL!
Oooh, lovin' how you snuck in the snark!!
I really love the idea of getting in a car and getting a coffee drink. Or even just driving but putting on your music (and not kid music or kid videos)!
Oooh, lovin' how you snuck in the snark!!
I really love the idea of getting in a car and getting a coffee drink. Or even just driving but putting on your music (and not kid music or kid videos)!
Hooray for enough sleep!
And some days, like today, I leave the computer off. All. Day. Not even a quick email check. And this helps me focus on the important matters of Barbie doll shoes and “why” questions. There's no way to feel guilty about that.
I love Joey's comment.
Sleep is such a hard thing to force myself into at night because I cherish that alone time with the hubs. But we always pay for it the next day!
I also remind myself constantly that I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home HOUSEKEEPER. That way, I keep my priorities straight. Sometimes the house is in complete disarray, but I've played games with my kids, snuggled, and done science experiments. I think I win.
Oh, and visiting from SITS, by the way..
Off to check out more of your stuff!
Wonderful tips especially looking back on hindsight.
Stopping by from SITS to say hello.
Have a great day!
http://harrietandfriends.com/
Wonderful tips especially looking back on hindsight.
Stopping by from SITS to say hello.
Have a great day!
http://harrietandfriends.com/
I recently read an article about mommy guilt. It said that without guilt we would be psychopaths. We all have it. Like you said, we just need to learn to deal with it and not let it overtake us. We need to remember we are real people and can't do everything. Great tips! I SO need some sleep!
I recently read an article about mommy guilt. It said that without guilt we would be psychopaths. We all have it. Like you said, we just need to learn to deal with it and not let it overtake us. We need to remember we are real people and can't do everything. Great tips! I SO need some sleep!
I found you through SITS, great blog! And congrats on leaving (or putting on hold) your high powered career to join ranks in the mom squad…..you may not have the same status or pay but at the end of the day, the benefits can't be beat. Welcome to the wildest ride of your life!
I found you through SITS, great blog! And congrats on leaving (or putting on hold) your high powered career to join ranks in the mom squad…..you may not have the same status or pay but at the end of the day, the benefits can't be beat. Welcome to the wildest ride of your life!
You are so right. Sleep can make such a huge difference. Of course, it's hard to carve out the time for it, but definitely worth the effort. I get irritable when I don't sleep well and have to work extra hard at staying centered and in a good space (and thus avoid guilt over being a little snappy!)
You are so right. Sleep can make such a huge difference. Of course, it's hard to carve out the time for it, but definitely worth the effort. I get irritable when I don't sleep well and have to work extra hard at staying centered and in a good space (and thus avoid guilt over being a little snappy!)
Sleep is so important. But if I went to bed on time, when would I get anything done??
These are great tips for escaping mommy guilt. It is so pervasive that even if everything is going well, I still feel guilty. Crazy.
Thanks for the tips!
Sleep is so important. But if I went to bed on time, when would I get anything done??
These are great tips for escaping mommy guilt. It is so pervasive that even if everything is going well, I still feel guilty. Crazy.
Thanks for the tips!
love your tips. I think sleep is crucial – I often feel guilty for getting frustrating with my children, so I find we're all a little bit more patient with a good nights sleep
I've never thought of the changing scenery one, that's a good idea that I will definitely try!
love your tips. I think sleep is crucial – I often feel guilty for getting frustrating with my children, so I find we're all a little bit more patient with a good nights sleep
I've never thought of the changing scenery one, that's a good idea that I will definitely try!
I love this list and will definitely be bookmarking it! I need to keep these things in mind.
I love this list and will definitely be bookmarking it! I need to keep these things in mind.
Sleep is huge for me, but like Bethany said I skimp on it at times just to enjoy the time with hubby! I am a better mom when I am well-rested, although it's not as big a deal as it was when they were little.
Found your blog through a comment on Mothering Mayhem! I love this post…will look forward to checking out some more (when I get some more sleep!).
Sleep is huge for me, but like Bethany said I skimp on it at times just to enjoy the time with hubby! I am a better mom when I am well-rested, although it's not as big a deal as it was when they were little.
Found your blog through a comment on Mothering Mayhem! I love this post…will look forward to checking out some more (when I get some more sleep!).
I need to print this out for my daily kick in the rear! I think focusing on the moment, sleep & blocking out the negative thoughts (the ones that say “You know, You could be doing this whole Mom thing WAY better than you are”) really is something I need to work on.
I need to print this out for my daily kick in the rear! I think focusing on the moment, sleep & blocking out the negative thoughts (the ones that say “You know, You could be doing this whole Mom thing WAY better than you are”) really is something I need to work on.
So excited I found your blog through BlogFrog(SITS) and the ProBlogger Challenge. I LOVE this post. So me. Sooooo me. I just posted something about the breastfeeding guilt I've had as a way to actually “let go” of that guilt.
http://itrocks2bmom.blogspot.com/2010/07/i-woulda-breastfed-if-i-could-so-get.html
I'm not a follower
Have a great day!
time, time is my enemy.
I could do so much more if I didnt' need to sleep.
time, time is my enemy.
I could do so much more if I didnt' need to sleep.
Thanks for the reminder– seriously! I was just having a bout of mommy guilt yesterday– overwhelmed with my “to-do” list and worrying I don't spend enough quality time with the kiddos. Love the tips– I think it's a fine balance between teaching them independence (while you get things done) and getting down on the floor and simply playing with them (saying “I'll get to you later” to the chores).
Melissa (Adventuroo)
Thanks for the reminder– seriously! I was just having a bout of mommy guilt yesterday– overwhelmed with my “to-do” list and worrying I don't spend enough quality time with the kiddos. Love the tips– I think it's a fine balance between teaching them independence (while you get things done) and getting down on the floor and simply playing with them (saying “I'll get to you later” to the chores).
Melissa (Adventuroo)
Love it! There are so many times when the guilt creeps up. I use the “go for a drive” tip often. It seriously helps change the tone of the day. I really need to work on the sleep thing!
Hear hear! i actually thrive in my mediocrity.. but you discovered this already, to your peril! 😉
Hear hear! i actually thrive in my mediocrity.. but you discovered this already, to your peril! 😉