Crossroads

I say go for it! It's such a part-time position, it seems like you're still getting lots of time with your kids. And now that they're school-aged, it won't be traumatic for them to be in some kind of day care situation. Does your son's school offer anything for after school? My daughter's school did, and I had her in it for a couple of days a week for a few months just so that she could socialize with other kids. She loved it and learned so much!

As a mother to a child on the spectrum, giving your kids time to play with other kids isn't a bad thing!

So I say, DO IT and enjoy!

Hi! (It's me – Perfect Welcome under new management). 😉

I was about to go back full time when my sister in law talked some sense into me. I ended up teaching 5 English classes in my home per week which suits me really well. I love being available for my kids, even though it means they stay in the after school program 3 days a week out of 5. But if they're ever sick or need a parent to accompany them I can do it.

However, if I had a deeply satisfying and important job like being a pediatrician, perhaps I would have been thrilled to work outside of the home. I think either way your kids have a mom that is devoted to them and are truly lucky.

Oh goodness, I can't make that decision for you, but can say that what you are feeling is something every mom has to face in some way at some time. I am a stay at home mom with my daughter and I have not had babysitters or daycare or anything like that. Just picking a preschool was so stressful for me. The “letting go” part has been really stressful. Take your time to decide and I think if you have the right daycare set up then you will be able to make the decision more readily. All the best!

Mama Hen

I think you just have to start putting feelers out there and see how things work out. If you start looking for care for your preschooler and are horrified at the options then obviously you shouldn't force the issue and should keep things the way they are. But if you get out there and things start falling into place- great option for your son, nice care for your daughter and you go into the position knowing that the house is not going to be as clean as it is now, you are always going to be behind on laundry, etc then go for it.
You should not do it if you do not feel good about care for your children (and you will know the difference between just being an overprotective mom who is having control issues and a bad fit I swear!
As with everything Mom related always go with your gut first!!

can I just I'm there making choices too.sorry no help

I just met you, and I like you so much! What a neat blog.

I know that “making decisions” feeling. What do I do? I dialogue with my husband and with great supportive friends. I pray. I make “pro and con” lists.

I'd say start looking at the options. If it seems the after-school and child care options aren't there right now, this may not be the time.

Love your blog — I'll be back!!

I love this one, Melissa. Close your eyes and trust your heart (and mind). Emotional, physical, and mental balance is the hardest to achieve. However you approach it, you will attain it just by asking the question.

I think we worry about working because we worry about how our kids will handle daycare/babysitters/etc. I know that in my case my kids handled it just fine. Way better than I do, in fact. It's just part of their routine, one they accept. And I'm so envious of the part-time work option. I'm hoping in a couple of years to get something part-time. Right now, residency not so much.

I was at a similar crossroads when Maya was 6 months old. Leaving her in the care of a nanny was the hardest thing in the world, but it was the right decision for both of us.

Being able to work part-time is such a great opportunity! I can't make the decision for you but if I were you I'd leap on it in a second flat because you get the best of both worlds!

well, on one hand think of it from this perspective: i have worked full time since my son was 4 months old, i disliked it a lot, and eventually have been able to go down to part time, and now i work 2-3 days a week. and for me its ONLY 2-3 days a week, for me it's OMG, i get to be HOME with my son FOR THE MOST PART OF THE WEEK, it made me giddy first time i thought about it. yes, it feels strange for you, but you will still be there a LOT for them.
on the other hand, listen to your instincts. not that side of you that's resisting change, not that side of you that can't even begin to think of the logistics of it all, but the side of you that either knows that it's time, or knows that it's not. If you still are able to make the choice despite things like the financial side of staying home, go with what your gut tells you, there is no better adviser in the world.

Do it. No don't do it. Kidding. That is not my choice to make. Sounds like a tough decision. I pray that God will help you make the best choice for you and your family. I think either way–it will be a learning experience that you can get something out of. Best of luck. Can't wait to hear what you decide. I wonder what your kiddos think about it?

(Nerd alert) When I have a hard decision to make, I first make a pro/con list but then I assign a numerical value to each item. I do this because I find that a list can look fairly balanced but assigning values shows more clearly what is most important to you.
Good luck, we all support you!

I think I've spent the past 7 years in a crossroads. I'm still in it. What I have learned during the experience – is that 1)If it is meant to be, it will be and 2)Listening to that little whisper inside of me is usually the way to go. I hope, whatever your decision, is the best for you. And know that whatever you decide to do … you will work it out. One day at a time. (Even figuring out the care situation for your children … if you feel the time is right to do this, it will work out.) I'll be thinking of you as you think this through. Wishing you peace.

I would say 2 things:

1. Think long term, too, and not just how this will affect at this very moment.

2. My good friend works part-time and she swears it's the best of both worlds. She loves her job and it keeps her feeling good, like she's using her brain, like she's accomplishing something beyond changing diapers and dealing with tantrums. But she still has enough freedom to be with her kids, take them to the zoo, be a room mom, head back to her hometown for a long weekend, etc.

I think you need my “professional decision maker”. So far it's just an idea I have for a person that would make the choice, then deal with the fallout if it happens to be the wrong choice. Looks good on paper, doesn't it?

The decisions and emotional roller coasters us moms have to make. It's always difficult to choose between our own personal career and our children. We want to have it all and do it all. As a full-time career woman myself, I often find it difficult to try and balance work and family. Good luck with your decision.

I would say go for it, however it is a decision you must make. Is it something you will be able to try and see how it goes? Write down all the pros and cons. Really take time to think about it. I was faced with a similar decision recently. It wasn't easy. Good luck in what you decide.

I agree with Dalia — could you try the job and see how it works out after of a trial period, like three months?

Change is scary. But no one can make this decision except for you and your family. Good luck.

Adult decisions are no fun. My BFF (of 30 years) recently went back to work after staying home for 10 years. She works at home 3 days a week and in the office 2 days a week. Seems ideal, but it has been quite a transition for the family. I will say, though, that she loves being back at it. I've seen the difference in her and it is a good thing. The logistics are horrid, but I will say I'm jealous that someone else now cooks their dinner most nights!! ; )

Good luck!

Obviously, no one can make that decision for you:)though I know what you mean. Use your brain to go over all the details, pros and cons..and then send it to your heart for consideration, and THEN go with your gut.

Change is always scary especially when it affects our children's lives but you if you listen to your gut, it knows the answer.IT is the all knowing gut:)LOL Good luck, No matter what, you are an amazing Mommy!

If you find a good decision maker, send her my way cuz I could really put her to work! Best of luck on making the decision; I know you will find a great solution!

That does sound like a very tough crossroads. I'm having a bit of one myself that is a bit similar – going back to school and leaving my baby in someone else's care while at school. It is scary! There are a lot of people out there I don't trust with my precious baby. The simple fact of the matter is that no one can love my baby as much as I do (maybe Daddy – Grandparents might come close but none of them are nearby to help). But in applying I told myself in the end it is good for her too. It will show her to not give up on her dreams. It will teach her that a Mother can have a career and be a good Mommy (in case that's what she wants some day). These are the things I tell myself anyways. It helps me justify the pursuit. Nevertheless, it's still hard. I still question it. Good luck with your decision. I am sure you will choose what's best for you and your family.

Melissa, That is a tough one. And you know best what will work for your family. I will tell you that those two to three half-days a week will impact your own exhaustion level and how your family functions more than you think. I'm speaking from experience. ;0) It's not just the time you're actually at work, but the physical and mental energy it zaps — which carries over to the time when you're at home. Plus there's all those household things you now have to fit into shorter time periods. I'm certainly not telling you what to do — just some things to consider as you're making your decision. I know you'll find the best solution for your family. ;0)

Hi Dr. Mom…I don't feel “qualified” to make a decision for you. You know what's in your heart…What I can say is this…I started working part-time last year, and I did enjoy having the best of both worlds. However, I only have one word of caution. Sometimes the paycheck gets addictive, and next thing you know, you're adding on more and more hours. I'm at a situation where I'm working too much now and have to scale it down. In the end, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, Melissa. Best wishes and congratulations!

I wish I could make that decision for you. I couldn't even really make that decision for myself. I returned to work about four months ago, and I am still struggling with trying to make it work. The best advice I could give is to trust your instincts. Only you can know what is best for you. Best wishes.

-Jessica

I worked for the first 3.5 yrs of motherhood. The most important thing I learned is that balance isn't a state, it's a process. You will have good days and bad, just like you do now. You won't know unless you try.

One possibility to consider is one full day at work instead of two half days. Instead of daycare, do a babysitting exchange with a friend for that day. Lots of ideas will occur to you once you've decided.

Good luck!

I went back to part time work when my youngest was in preschool because I had a great teaching opportunity at a school with very little turnover. It was sooner than I wanted but I've never looked back! There were many problems I may have avoided. But the benefits have certainly outweighed the good. And, I could always leave the job if I had wanted!