This week has been a struggle. I know we all have them, it’s inevitable. However, until today, I couldn’t put my finger on what has been nagging at me. I’ve been wandering aimlessly through the days. Staring at the overflowing laundry list of things needing to be done…and nothing.
No motivation. No idea where to start. Only able to tend to the items requiring my immediate attention: getting kids to school on time, preparing breakfast/lunch/dinner, returning school forms on time, and ensuring that the kids arrive to their extracurricular activities (mostly) on time.
Time. Precious time. Fleeting time. Time which there seems to be a shortage of.
I’ve been going through the motions but not feeling much except for this nagging feeling of inadequacy. At the end of each day, after the kids had been tucked away, all I could think was how I had accomplished nothing. I’m not normally such a pessimist. What is my problem?
What am I forgetting?
Today, I finally found what had been missing all week. What had eluded me for quite awhile…time for myself. Time to just be. To reflect. To be alone with my thoughts. Uncluttered with guilt or a to do list.
I stumbled upon this time for myself today. After hastily getting everyone to their respective schools on time, Big Brother to Kindergarten then Little Sister to preschool, I was armed with a list of errands. With my precious two hour window, I was off. Ballet shoes for Little Sister, birthday present for Big Brother’s friend, and finally Target for more school supplies.
On my (un)merrily way, I passed a coffee shop (surprisingly not Starbucks), and promptly made a u-turn. Without thinking, without the list on my mind, without guilt…I stopped. Finally, some clarity was making it’s way back into my brain.
Hot vanilla latte now in hand, I chose a cozy spot on the outdoor patio. I sipped. I read. I wrote. I relaxed. With each passing minute, I could feel my tension ease, my mood lifting. I had time for myself. I reveled in it. I felt like me.
At the end of my hour at the coffee shop, I was clearly rejuvenated and energized. How had I neglected this need for so long? I got lost in the daily tasks. I’d simply forgotten about myself. And, as a result, I became a Mom just going through the motions. A Mom who was having difficulty enjoying the little moments with her children. A Mom who was counting down the hours then minutes until her childrens’ bed time so she could finally have some peace and quiet.
I was this Mom all week and I did not like it one bit.
This peaceful hour at the coffee shop set me straight again. It refueled my tank and I left anxious to see Big Brother’s toothy grin and to hear Little Sister’s “Mommy, Mommy” as she excitedly jumps and waves to me at pick up.
I was ready again. Ready to face my role as Mother. To embrace the everyday moments with my children. I was eager to genuinely laugh when my son told a funny joke. Ready to swoop up my daughter in my arms as she squealed with delight. The tasks at hand no longer seemed mundane. All my resentment had faded away. In just one hour. One hour. Give it to yourself. You deserve it. We all do…and so do our children.
How do you make time for yourself? Do you schedule it in? What is your favorite thing to do that is just completely for you?
I have to schedule my time in and Yes I need it –mom time away from kids to rejuvinate and better focused on the kids.
like the saying- if moms not happy then the whole house isn't happy
I have to schedule my time in and Yes I need it –mom time away from kids to rejuvinate and better focused on the kids.
like the saying- if moms not happy then the whole house isn't happy
With my busy schedule, so much time spent away from my family, I often feel guilty taking time for myself. But that's part of the reason I blog…it's just a little time to myself.
With my busy schedule, so much time spent away from my family, I often feel guilty taking time for myself. But that's part of the reason I blog…it's just a little time to myself.
This post came at the perfect time–I have been feeling like such a failure lately as a mom, because I too can't wait for bedtime lately, after coming straight from work and thinking about the piles of homework, laundry, dishes waiting for me. UGH!! Great reminder to take time for yourself. I am strongly considering a manicure/pedicure this weekend 😉 It makes me feel pretty and I enjoy the relaxation!
This post came at the perfect time–I have been feeling like such a failure lately as a mom, because I too can't wait for bedtime lately, after coming straight from work and thinking about the piles of homework, laundry, dishes waiting for me. UGH!! Great reminder to take time for yourself. I am strongly considering a manicure/pedicure this weekend 😉 It makes me feel pretty and I enjoy the relaxation!
I love this post, and I love the term “nagging feeling of inadequacy.” That is a perfect description for this awful feeling. I'm so glad you reconnected with yourself.
I love this post, and I love the term “nagging feeling of inadequacy.” That is a perfect description for this awful feeling. I'm so glad you reconnected with yourself.
My time usually happens when the kids are in bed. I unwind with DVRed shows and stretching out on the couch. It's lovely.
My time usually happens when the kids are in bed. I unwind with DVRed shows and stretching out on the couch. It's lovely.
Thankfully we have kids that go to bed somewhat early! That's my time.
Good for you! I really cherish my “me” time. This week, I started walking, which is a great way to do something just for me! I find it very relaxing.
Good for you! I really cherish my “me” time. This week, I started walking, which is a great way to do something just for me! I find it very relaxing.
I've been having tons of “me” time since kindergarten started. It's all about balance. Too much time to yourself and you start to wonder if there's a point to staying home anymore!
It's a good place to be for a while I suppose. I hope you make that coffee shop time part of your regular schedule.
There must be something going around because I too have been feeling completely unmotivated to do anything. With everything on my plate I just don't know where to begin. I know that is a sign of burnout so I am trying not to be too hard on myself but it is hard. “Me” time has to be scheduled although I am not very good at doing it. A work in progress…
There must be something going around because I too have been feeling completely unmotivated to do anything. With everything on my plate I just don't know where to begin. I know that is a sign of burnout so I am trying not to be too hard on myself but it is hard. “Me” time has to be scheduled although I am not very good at doing it. A work in progress…
I consider reading and writing blogs my time – even though I am usually doing two other things at the same time, i.e. eating and answering questions from my husband or daughter.
I long for 1 hour of total peace and quiet! Maybe in 10 more years.
I consider reading and writing blogs my time – even though I am usually doing two other things at the same time, i.e. eating and answering questions from my husband or daughter.
I long for 1 hour of total peace and quiet! Maybe in 10 more years.
What a great post! I just love your blog! It is hard for me to sometimes recognize that I need to take that time without feeling guilty, but then every time that I do I realize how much of a better mom it makes me. It is funny how even just half an hour to myself makes a difference for a whole day!
BTW I wanted to pass this award on to you:
http://mommymadegreen.blogspot.com/2010/09/blog-awards.html
What a great post! I just love your blog! It is hard for me to sometimes recognize that I need to take that time without feeling guilty, but then every time that I do I realize how much of a better mom it makes me. It is funny how even just half an hour to myself makes a difference for a whole day!
BTW I wanted to pass this award on to you:
http://mommymadegreen.blogspot.com/2010/09/blog-awards.html
I'm feeling so frazzled right now, so it's good timing for me to read this. Unfortunately it's also the weekend, so there won't be any “me” time to be had. I love reading the newspaper or magazine or doing a crossword (something that I actually don't need a computer to do) at a coffee shop….
I'm feeling so frazzled right now, so it's good timing for me to read this. Unfortunately it's also the weekend, so there won't be any “me” time to be had. I love reading the newspaper or magazine or doing a crossword (something that I actually don't need a computer to do) at a coffee shop….
Good for you, Melissa! Isn't it amazing how just some quiet time to ourselves can be so perfect!?
Good for you, Melissa! Isn't it amazing how just some quiet time to ourselves can be so perfect!?
I am so glad you found your “me time”. I think it is so hard. I was at the hairdresser tonight (which should have been kind of me time) and all I could think of/stress about was how much time this was taking and how I needed to get out of there to go pick up my little one.
Now that I think about it your posts are making me realize that I am waaaay beyond overtired and waaaay too stressed about getting things done. I so far haven't done anything about it, but they say the first step is admitting their is a problem.
Thanks Melissa!
I am so glad you found your “me time”. I think it is so hard. I was at the hairdresser tonight (which should have been kind of me time) and all I could think of/stress about was how much time this was taking and how I needed to get out of there to go pick up my little one.
Now that I think about it your posts are making me realize that I am waaaay beyond overtired and waaaay too stressed about getting things done. I so far haven't done anything about it, but they say the first step is admitting their is a problem.
Thanks Melissa!
Again, I say, as a mother of five.
It is VITAL to find time for yourself.
I know, easier said than done.
Often we believe that in order to be 'good mothers' we should or need to put everyone else first.
What we don't realize until often too late, is that if we give our all to others, there is nothing left to hold us up.
And without us, who holds up the fort?
I wrote a blog about “Inconvenient Sick” which is the only' sick' a mother can get because of her extensive responsibilities.
Good for you! That is great that you recognized the need and acted upon it.
Everyone was blessed because of your 'selfless act'!
You are a wonderful example to others.
Again, I say, as a mother of five.
It is VITAL to find time for yourself.
I know, easier said than done.
Often we believe that in order to be 'good mothers' we should or need to put everyone else first.
What we don't realize until often too late, is that if we give our all to others, there is nothing left to hold us up.
And without us, who holds up the fort?
I wrote a blog about “Inconvenient Sick” which is the only' sick' a mother can get because of her extensive responsibilities.
Good for you! That is great that you recognized the need and acted upon it.
Everyone was blessed because of your 'selfless act'!
You are a wonderful example to others.
Time for myself? What a concept!
Thanks for the reminder…
Time for myself? What a concept!
Thanks for the reminder…
So true! I make sure that I get regular “me” time. This week was extra special – I had a massage after work – total bliss!
On the weekends I usually get a few hours to myself and inevitably I go for a coffee and a bit of shopping.
My other lifesaver is the gym – my daughter loves the creche and I love the yoga/pilates classes so it's win – win!
So true! I make sure that I get regular “me” time. This week was extra special – I had a massage after work – total bliss!
On the weekends I usually get a few hours to myself and inevitably I go for a coffee and a bit of shopping.
My other lifesaver is the gym – my daughter loves the creche and I love the yoga/pilates classes so it's win – win!
Sometimes, the chore list seems so overwhelming and sort of thankless. You're so right about taking time for yourself.
My best friend and I always made time for each other. Through high school and college, we were joined at the hip, lived together, constantly together. It was wonderful.
And when we grew up, we still took a day a week to do spend together. Even after I had kids, Wayne made sure that I had a sitter one day a week so I could get a little dose of just being myself.
She moved away last year and I really miss that time to myself. I've got lots of time with the kids in school. I need to start making the most of it. Thanks for the reminder!
Sometimes, the chore list seems so overwhelming and sort of thankless. You're so right about taking time for yourself.
My best friend and I always made time for each other. Through high school and college, we were joined at the hip, lived together, constantly together. It was wonderful.
And when we grew up, we still took a day a week to do spend together. Even after I had kids, Wayne made sure that I had a sitter one day a week so I could get a little dose of just being myself.
She moved away last year and I really miss that time to myself. I've got lots of time with the kids in school. I need to start making the most of it. Thanks for the reminder!
A good reminder… time for me- what's that? I don't consciously schedule it, because I feel more rejuvenated if it's spontaneous. The most consistent thing I do is read before bed, which I guess is a scheduled thing, but it helps me unwind at the end of the day.
A good reminder… time for me- what's that? I don't consciously schedule it, because I feel more rejuvenated if it's spontaneous. The most consistent thing I do is read before bed, which I guess is a scheduled thing, but it helps me unwind at the end of the day.
Wow . . . yes, we have all had moments like these. Some of us are in the middle of them right now, and your post is reminding us not only that it is OK to stop and take time for yourself, but a NECESSITY to be the best Mom we can be. Thanks for showing us all that even Dr. Mom needs time for her!!!
Wow . . . yes, we have all had moments like these. Some of us are in the middle of them right now, and your post is reminding us not only that it is OK to stop and take time for yourself, but a NECESSITY to be the best Mom we can be. Thanks for showing us all that even Dr. Mom needs time for her!!!
I wish I could take this post and shout it high the mountain tops! It is simply the most important things that we, as mothers, MUST do for ourselves. Thanks for that reminder!
I love my long runs on Saturday that are followed up it by a grande latte at Starbucks…a ritual for me!
I wish I could take this post and shout it high the mountain tops! It is simply the most important things that we, as mothers, MUST do for ourselves. Thanks for that reminder!
I love my long runs on Saturday that are followed up it by a grande latte at Starbucks…a ritual for me!
I hear ya! I am SO TIRED and between a three year old who isn't listening to a baby who won't sleep, I'm at my wits end. Luckily my hubby and my 10 year anniversary is next week so we'll be taking some time away.
YAY! I'm hoping I can come back refreshed like you!
I hear ya! I am SO TIRED and between a three year old who isn't listening to a baby who won't sleep, I'm at my wits end. Luckily my hubby and my 10 year anniversary is next week so we'll be taking some time away.
YAY! I'm hoping I can come back refreshed like you!
Wow, you are so cool. I'm a future doctor mom I guess–in residency but no kids yet. I wonder what I will do when the time comes for us to have a baby. This worries me since that time is just around the corner. I have a good friend–an internal medicine doc who worked one year then “quit.” That was the word she used. She says that that her kids are way more important so she quit indefinitely. I was so impressed with her bravery. The idea also scares me especially since both hubby and I are knee deep, no neck deep in loans. Anyway, I will definitely start following you
Wow, you are so cool. I'm a future doctor mom I guess–in residency but no kids yet. I wonder what I will do when the time comes for us to have a baby. This worries me since that time is just around the corner. I have a good friend–an internal medicine doc who worked one year then “quit.” That was the word she used. She says that that her kids are way more important so she quit indefinitely. I was so impressed with her bravery. The idea also scares me especially since both hubby and I are knee deep, no neck deep in loans. Anyway, I will definitely start following you
Sigh. I know the feeling! It's a toss up of what to do when I have a few moments – get that much needed shower, do a few chores made easier by not having 2 littles attached, catch up on blogs, have random reading or facebook time? It's difficult to do things for myself and not my family. Must remember that by doing things for US, we are making ourselves better wives and mommies!
Sigh. I know the feeling! It's a toss up of what to do when I have a few moments – get that much needed shower, do a few chores made easier by not having 2 littles attached, catch up on blogs, have random reading or facebook time? It's difficult to do things for myself and not my family. Must remember that by doing things for US, we are making ourselves better wives and mommies!
This is so true! I think what also happens is that moms find the time, then feel guilty for taking it – myself included. We can't do that. We deserve it!
This is so true! I think what also happens is that moms find the time, then feel guilty for taking it – myself included. We can't do that. We deserve it!
Having time for myself comes during my idle times. Instead of thinking how difficult life is, I invest on thinking of the blessing that I've been enjoying. Being in the present is a great way to be aware of one's self, and to appreciate the beauty of life.
Having time for myself comes during my idle times. Instead of thinking how difficult life is, I invest on thinking of the blessing that I've been enjoying. Being in the present is a great way to be aware of one's self, and to appreciate the beauty of life.
We are so on the same wavelength. After a couple of really tough weeks, a good friend told me I needed to practice “extreme self-care” which I did, by doing only the necessities and spending a couple of days lying in bed. I NEVER do that. But I needed it. Thanks for popping by my blog over the weekend to check on me. I've got a new attitude this week!
We are so on the same wavelength. After a couple of really tough weeks, a good friend told me I needed to practice “extreme self-care” which I did, by doing only the necessities and spending a couple of days lying in bed. I NEVER do that. But I needed it. Thanks for popping by my blog over the weekend to check on me. I've got a new attitude this week!
Good for you. You absolutely should give yourself permission to take care of yourself. It's funny how quickly a cozy mug of piping hot caffeine can refresh your perspective, isn't it.
This post made me think of something my mother did very well–she made sure she had 30 minutes of alone time every day. She was a social worker, and she saw things on a daily basis that NOBODY should see, ever. To cope, she drew herself a hot bath every night after dinner, and locked herself away for 30 minutes. When she was finished soaking and decompressing, she'd bound out of the bathroom ready to play and chat and be an honest-to-God, totally-in-the-present mom. I'll never forget that about her.
Good for you. You absolutely should give yourself permission to take care of yourself. It's funny how quickly a cozy mug of piping hot caffeine can refresh your perspective, isn't it.
This post made me think of something my mother did very well–she made sure she had 30 minutes of alone time every day. She was a social worker, and she saw things on a daily basis that NOBODY should see, ever. To cope, she drew herself a hot bath every night after dinner, and locked herself away for 30 minutes. When she was finished soaking and decompressing, she'd bound out of the bathroom ready to play and chat and be an honest-to-God, totally-in-the-present mom. I'll never forget that about her.
Oh, yes.
Oh, hell, yes.
Sorry, but yes.
I took 2 wks off from the blogging world, and I needed to.
Oh, yes.
Oh, hell, yes.
Sorry, but yes.
I took 2 wks off from the blogging world, and I needed to.
It is very hard and for me almost impossible to come by. But that time does help when we can get it. I started going out weekly with a friend, just to run some errands and sometimes coffee or a quick bite to eat. It has helps tremendously. It is scheduled into my week so it can't be erased (unless the kids have a special event or activity).
It is very hard and for me almost impossible to come by. But that time does help when we can get it. I started going out weekly with a friend, just to run some errands and sometimes coffee or a quick bite to eat. It has helps tremendously. It is scheduled into my week so it can't be erased (unless the kids have a special event or activity).
You so rock. Great, and very well written I might add, post. It's like you're right there watching me. I've been feeling the same way lately – stuck in the motions and counting down until the kids go to bed. Funny, after an hour to read or relax, I miss them.
As for how I make time, it's different depending on the day. Mondays Sweetness has preschool and Mr. Man naps so I got an hour to just visit blogs. An hour later I was ready to roll with the kids again. Tuesdays are non-stop. That's my after bedtime day. Wednesday – Friday I get it when they're both napping in the afternoon. Weekends are spotty, but sometimes Hubby will take them to Costco with him for an hour, giving me time to relax. The real trick for me is to NOT use the time to get caught up, but instead have me time. Still not that good at that part.
You so rock. Great, and very well written I might add, post. It's like you're right there watching me. I've been feeling the same way lately – stuck in the motions and counting down until the kids go to bed. Funny, after an hour to read or relax, I miss them.
As for how I make time, it's different depending on the day. Mondays Sweetness has preschool and Mr. Man naps so I got an hour to just visit blogs. An hour later I was ready to roll with the kids again. Tuesdays are non-stop. That's my after bedtime day. Wednesday – Friday I get it when they're both napping in the afternoon. Weekends are spotty, but sometimes Hubby will take them to Costco with him for an hour, giving me time to relax. The real trick for me is to NOT use the time to get caught up, but instead have me time. Still not that good at that part.
I have a husband who cannot understand this strange concept of alone time – it's one of his few traits where I wonder “what the hell was I thinking?”
Luckily, he doesn't work from home
It was a hard lesson for me to learn last year, with both kids finally in school as well. I've stopped making errand lists and one-too-many lunch dates – I get roughly 8 hours/week. Sounds like a lot, I know, but when it's spent running around town, no one is happy.
Drink more coffee.
I have a husband who cannot understand this strange concept of alone time – it's one of his few traits where I wonder “what the hell was I thinking?”
Luckily, he doesn't work from home
It was a hard lesson for me to learn last year, with both kids finally in school as well. I've stopped making errand lists and one-too-many lunch dates – I get roughly 8 hours/week. Sounds like a lot, I know, but when it's spent running around town, no one is happy.
Drink more coffee.
New follower! I'm glad I stopped by. I think as a fellow busy mom, we tend to forget about ourselves. We're too busy taking care of everyone else. I've found that taking care of myself makes me a better mom, wife, friend, person. Regardless if I take an hour to myself, my to-do list will still be there. Hopefully I'm more rejuvenated to tackle it.
New follower! I'm glad I stopped by. I think as a fellow busy mom, we tend to forget about ourselves. We're too busy taking care of everyone else. I've found that taking care of myself makes me a better mom, wife, friend, person. Regardless if I take an hour to myself, my to-do list will still be there. Hopefully I'm more rejuvenated to tackle it.
Dr. Mom, You are so right. I've been finding myself in this exact same rut lately…mostly because of working at all my extra side jobs. They've taken away my time to enjoy just “being” with my little boy and just relaxing for myself. Ugh! I need to find some momentum to take a break…just like you. Thank you for this!
Dr. Mom, You are so right. I've been finding myself in this exact same rut lately…mostly because of working at all my extra side jobs. They've taken away my time to enjoy just “being” with my little boy and just relaxing for myself. Ugh! I need to find some momentum to take a break…just like you. Thank you for this!
You really hit that nail on the head…with a latte, no less! It is so hard to take time for ourselves, especially when we become a mom. I do the same thing; running around finishing every last errand that I can while the kids are off and busy. But it's draining and not relaxing. I used to think that it would be relaxing LATER, because I had finished the errands. But stealing time for me is so much better! I keep trying….you do the same.
You really hit that nail on the head…with a latte, no less! It is so hard to take time for ourselves, especially when we become a mom. I do the same thing; running around finishing every last errand that I can while the kids are off and busy. But it's draining and not relaxing. I used to think that it would be relaxing LATER, because I had finished the errands. But stealing time for me is so much better! I keep trying….you do the same.