A Sign of the Times…”Screaming Children Will Not be Tolerated!”

i waited tables for 6 years through high school and college. since it was in a touristy beach setting, it seemed like most of the parents were WAY on vacation….and that meant from dealing with their kids as well. they'd come in and literally let their children run wild. throwing things, running around, yelling. it was not fun holding $300 worth of food on a tray above me head and navigating around little johnny who was creating an obstacle course for me. BUT….the biggest tips i ever earned came from frazzled parents whose little darlings i took the time to sit down and color with while mom and dad ate their dinner. (which couldn't happen often in a busy restaurant!) i would never ever ever condone someone putting a sign like that up. what would this establishment do? pick the child up and toss them out on their ear if they had a meltdown??? i'm a little curious. i'd be interested in taking in a screaming child just to see!

Yup, I think they've definitely achieved their goal. I wouldn't eat there either. AND, when I dine with my child, I usually feel so guilty about the mess and the extra attention that we sometimes get – like if we ask to rush so that we can get in and out quickly – that I tip VERY well. As for the bigger issue, well, we are NOT a family-centric society. Just look at all of the images we cannot avoid every day. Just look at the fact that women only get 12 weeks of FMLA (and that's not even paid – my employer only paid for half of that time) even though all experts say women should breast feed for at least 24 weeks. We have a lot of work to do, as advocates of families.

I'm with you on this one, Melissa. I would never eat at that establishment. When I was visiting some friends in Mexico a few years ago, they took us to several restaurants that had — wait for it — a full children's playground in the courtyard. The playground was completely enclosed by the restaurant, and there were even attendants there to help the kids as needed. Obviously, labor in Mexico is much less expensive than in Boston, and the weather is different too, but it was such a lovely idea. The kids had a choice: they could stay at the table and sit politely, or they could play in the playground. Everyone was happy.

But back to your larger topic — it seems to me that we are indeed becoming a society that is less tolerant of children. And I'm not too happy about that.

I think that's such a bad attitude and poor business decision. And I think parents with little kids will see and remember that even when their kids are older and not “seen” as problem patrons.

I don't see anything wrong with the sign. Most people don't want to hear anyone screaming when they're out to dinner. And most parents these days tolerate a lot of loud behavior that parents didn't a generation ago.

Clearly, the restaurant has had enough problems with the issue that they felt the need to put up a sign. If parents can't get their kids to behave in public, then the kids have to go. A friend of mine with two boys would pull them straight out of a restaurant anytime either of them threw a tantrum in a restaurant and take them straight home. It only happened a couple of times, and now they're the most well behaved children I've ever seen in public. Other people will actually comment on how well behaved they are. I think it's all about educating children. It takes time, and if parents aren't willing to take that time, then other people shouldn't suffer the consequences.

I have mixed feeling about this. As a parent of a child with autism, it kind of depresses me because we're already reticent to eat out with my daughter. Clearly, we would never go to a restaurant with such a sign!

On the other hand, it seems like every time I finally get a girls night out or a date night or just lunch with mom, it never fails that there is a screaming child at the next table. You'd think that I'd be sympathetic right? And I am, except I can't help but think…geez, I can't buy a break!

I don't know if it's the case that children are worse behaved…but I definitely know that parents take their kids out alot more and to places that they didn't used to. When I was a kid we only went to a restaurant like twice a year.

I don't support it – at all! And I agree that we, as a society, are being intolerant of children. THAT is incredibly sad to me. A few weeks ago the hubby, kids and I went to an eating establishment not to far from our house. It was a beautiful night, so we decided to enjoy our quick dinner outside in their patio area. We found ourselves sitting next to another couple w/2 kids, as well. This place plays loud rock & roll music in their outdoor speakers, and anyone with a little soul couldn't help but feel the need to move (dance) a little, so after dinner the kids (ours and the family next to us) stood up and were dancing. They were not running around, they were not screaming or being loud, they were laughing, dancing and having a great time.

While they were enjoying themselves, an older man came and sat at a table next to this family. Within minutes, he started mumbling “Animals!” to both this other family, and us. The other mom and I became immediately defensive and actually addressed his negativity and loud comments … he ultimately got up and left.

I was so upset, but even more than that – I was ANGRY that this man would consider our kids ANIMALS for laughing. What is happening? Are kids not allowed to be kids anymore!!! (Sorry for the long winded story, but it just seemed like I had to share with you. Your post really hit home.)

I can tell you, as a past waitress in college, how many messes and spills and screaming and yelling and tripping over little kids under tables and being run into with hot coffee in my hand..you see where I”m going, don't you?

On the other hand, the sign is just inappropriate. That's life. Some parents teach their children how to dine out, some don't.

Just like parenting in other areas: how many times do you see misbehaving children in a theatre? or a library? It's all the same. We can't have signs up all over the place.
It's just how it is….

There is an Italian restaurant in Galveston that has that same sign, but they also say that they will not tolerate children not sitting in their chairs. I hated it the first time I went…even though the food was good. They didn't even have a kids menu, which is irritating enough. But, what is worse, is that they call themselves a “Family Restaurant”.

I get offended by that. Not everyone has screaming children or children that run around, but if you are a family restaurant, then you cater to families, which means parents and children. I won't go back there…and my kids behave.

they might as well just put up a sign “children will not be tolerated”. how can you possibly predict when and where your child will scream? mine can sometimes scream because he is HAPPY just as much as when he is UPSET.
So when you are in the middle of your dinner there and your child happens to raise his voice, what do they do? do you have to drop your fork and run? do they come over and smack them on the head? bring out a roll of scotch tape? obviously not much thinking over went into that sign.
wouldnt you be fighting for EXTRA customers in the state of this economy instead of turning away the ones you have?
someone should open a restaurant right across the street that would say “screaming children please come in!” i bet that place will be quite popular!

Obviously that sign is offensive. I also read that the particular restaurant is a family-style restaurant, not a 4 star, expensive place.

I don't think children are worse-behaved. They've always cried. It's up to the parent to remove the child if they are being disruptive. If they do not, then I think, as you suggested, the manager can come over to help and maybe point out that the noise level is bothering other clients.

The thing that bothers ME is when people take their children to inappropriate places. I was shocked to see people take their infants to movies that are totally inappropriate, like Saw 16 (or whatever number they're up to). I guess they figure that the infant is too young to understand what they're seeing. So, not only am I put out that I have to deal with an infant crying during some really gory scene, but I get distracted from the movie worrying that the baby will grow up totally warped. People really do need to use discretion about where they take their kids.

Oh, I was kinda lying about going to gory movies, but I have seen people take babies to things like that.

On the business side: I feel that the sign shows a lack of focus on the customer. Every single customer is greeted by the negative sign and either offended, or immediately prompted to have the image of a screaming child in their mind. Either way, it's a bad idea.
On the societal issue: I do feel that there is a shift to being less tolerant of children in general. It's easy to judge when we don't have children of our own, or when we had them long enough to forget what it was like!
On the parental issue: Most of the time, my children behave pretty well when we are out. But there are some rare times when they just don't. When it does happen, I do my best to control the situation and even step out of the restaurant for a little bit if necessary. I also apologize verbally and via a sizable tip. I feel that's the least I can do.

It amazes me that people have such short memories of what life with young children is like. When I hear a shrieking child in a restaurant I just want to run to the mom and comfort HER because I so remember being in those shoes.

It is a shame that they posted this sign – like parents know if their pumpkins will be screaming that day. Sheeesh!

Melissa –

Happy Friday to you! Check out: http://simplysandwich.net/?p=919

This reminds me of a local toy store sign: “Unattended children will be sold”. That's a funnier take on the same problem. I think if everyone took their kid out of the restaurant when he/she was having a meltdown, you wouldn't see these signs. The truth is there are lots of parents that don't want to be bothered. People that expect the world to bow to their need for a night out are just as culpable as this lady with her sign. If she wanted families with small children in her joint, she probably would pass out balloons and turn it into a Red Robin.

Capitalism will take care of it. If she can make it on just an adult crowd, we have plenty of other places to take our kids.

People who can't tolerate screaming children are people who don't have children. I'm not excusing these kids, of course, but there has to be a bit of tolerance in general.

My kid never misbehaves in a restaurant because she knows that I have no hesitation in taking her back to the car and driving us all home. She learned early on how to behave! But she had her days when she was younger!!

A sign like that would keep me out of the restaurant. I don't like screaming, crying children when I go out in public, mine or anyone else's. But I understand. We've all been there. I had a (childless) friend tell me that she thought people with children shouldn't be allowed in restaurants after 5 pm, so that people who actually wanted to eat could do so in peace. I can't stand the intolerant behavior.

I'm a new follower. I would never give my business to a person who posted a sign like this. My kids are very well behaved in public (thank goodness) but kids are kids…what do they expect?

One of the nicest things happened to us once at a restaurant when our two boys made a mess and then wanted to sit under the table. A very nice man came over to us and said, “I just wanted to let you know that they're not bothering us a bit.” It was such a relief. Since then we've done the same thing. We also compliment good behavior by giving kids quarters. They're amazed when they get the quarter!!

I can kind of see this on both sides. I know from experience there is nothing worse than having your own child pitch a fit during dinner (even in the most family friendly establishments), and I'm always grateful to those people that lend a sympathetic word or a kind glance instead of those people that just sit and glare.

At the same time, I tend to get annoyed by parents who seemingly let their kids run amok in public places, especially restaurants. I don't get bothered by occasional outbursts, whining, etc… all kids do that. But if things escalate to the point where I feel like it's truly distracting to other diners, I will take my kids outside or to the restroom until they've calmed down.

I agree that the sign is offensive. I would avoid that restaurant, even now that I no longer have small children. I wonder if their business has grown smaller since installing the sign?

The sign is offensive. It is unfortunate that the restaurant would even think that posting such a sign would be okay. It's not.
-Jessica

You are absolutely right! That sign is a very poor way of handling an inevitable problem that sometimes occurs at a family-friendly diner. MOST people understand that kids sometimes throw fits. I can usually tolerate it for a good amount of time until I think, “Okay, the parents should just walk out at this point. There is nothing they can do and it would be rude to stay.”

At that point, as a business owner, I may kindly ask the family to leave. It's not an ideal situation but you do have to worry about other customers. However, the sign is just flat out disrespectful.

Great post and great thoughts!

I think the sign is rude. Who in this economy can really afford to offend customers? I've experienced this same attitude in the grocery store when my kids were little. Do people really think you enjoy having your 2-year-old scream their lungs out in Walmart? I so agree that it would be far more helpful to show a little sympathy and/or a helping hand. It's obvious when a mom is just letting her child run amuck and when a mom is sincerely trying to get control of the situation. And, while I'm on the subject, just because your child is having a bad day doesn't make you a bad mother! ;0)

Oh wow! I would stir clear from any place that have that signs. It's hard enough to enjoy a decent meals with kid in tow, I don't need a sign to remind me to shut my kid off.
When he was younger dining out was hard because he just won't sit still and easily gets bored, so someone would be taking him outside while the other is eating (in lightning speed that is). Then take turns. Now, he's much calmer and would sit and not running around.

Would they put up signs like this in church too? Geez!

I mean I understand that it can be hard for others to enjoy their meals with a screaming tot but the way I see it, if the parents are trying to calm the child, it would unfair to see sign like that. Without the sign, some mothers/parents would feel frustrated enough under the pressure to keep their children at their best behaviors in a restaurant so give them a break please.

Great post and discussion going on here. Love reading all the comments.

I think it depends. If the child is screaming and the parents are ignoring the problem then I can see the resturant asking them to leave but if the parents are trying to calm the child, I don't think they should be sent away. I personally would remove my child from the situation until she was behaving better.

I'm a new follower stopping by from Mama's Little Nestwork.

Crystal
kennedymomandwife.blogspot.com

I think it's a lack of parenting judgment that has plagued this generation. Far too often parents are “ignoring” bad behavior from their children. As if ignoring them will transform their children into polite, kind, well behaved individuals. If your child is screaming at a restaurant, it is your job as a parent to do something and not just ignore it.

Although I do not agree with the restaurant's decision to place the sign, I do respect them for trying to be honest with the type of business establishment they run. No one is forcing anyone to eat here.

I guess they will have only patrons without kids and maybe that is what they want? A rude way to go about it, for sure.
I was at a restaurant once with some girlfriends and one of them had their 1 year old son. We asked for a high chair and the waiter said they didn't have them and that “this isn't really a place for kids.” It was a restaurant, not a bar.
You can imagine what kind of tip we left our snarky waiter. I haven't been back.

I think it is a great idea. Get a take-out if your kids can not behave – I don't understand how fun is it to spend an hour disciplining your wild child?

I would NEVER go to a restaurant that had a sign like that posted with or without children. Obviously she has the right to post it, but I also have the right to refuse to go there and spread the word of her intolerance. I guess what absolutely baffles me about this reasoning is that people always say that parents don't teach their children how to act in public right? Well, how would one teach their child to act in public if one is not allowed take their children into a restaurant without being treated poorly by those around? I do my best to control my children in public but it is the same I feel about riding on public transportation (read: planes) – I can ONLY do my best, they are little people with personalities, emotions and bad days just like we are – as a matter of fact – last I checked we all were little once as well. Get over it or stay in your nice quiet home!

Rudeness never excuses rudeness. The proprietor of this restaurant is actually more rude than any screaming child, since I am assuming the person that posted the sign is an adult and not a toddler.

I agreed with most of what you posted here except the part about society being child intolerant. I actually chuckled out loud when I read that. As a mid-40s woman that raised a child in the late 80s/early 90s, I think our society today caters to the needs of families and children today much more than it did back in my parenting days.

But kids acting up in public is certainly nothing new and, as long as kids are humans, will always happen. It's how the adults react that matters.

I recall the days when I waited tables in the 80s and parents all but ignored the bad, and often reckless, behavior of their children.

I cleaned up a sick child's vomit off the table and floor once after I'd placed a family's order with the kitchen. The parents asked me to box up their dinners, paid their bill and didn't tip on what was now a to-go order.

Rules to live by:

1. Adults should not act like asses to parents because a child in public is acting like, you know, a child.

2. Parents should not take a cranky, tired toddler to a nice restaurant and let the kid run loose.

3. If you kid is sick, stay home. And if someone else has to clean your kid's barf, be a decent human being and leave a tip.

As soon as the owner hangs up a sign banning cell phone calls, treating the wait staff like personal servants and obnoxious drunks, I'd spend my money there. Sadly, many adults behave worse than their children.

The beauty of free will – go next door. The owner will learn. Or he'll get the clientele he truly desires, whichever, seems like an odd way of reaching his goal.

I'm offended just reading about this. I can only imagine what my response would be had I seen this glaring sign of intolerance in the window. I'd most likely walk in and give the owner/manager a little lesson on customer service and acceptance. Then perhaps make sure all my mom pals knew never to eat there.

Sadly, I have seen a lot of children running around uncontrolled. My daughter has just started that and we repeat over and over “we stay in our seat until everyone is done.” On times when she just can't do this, we've left early. She's gotten the picture. So it is hard to teach the kids, but not impossible. It's so unfortunate an increased laziness by some parents to help their children learn restaurant manners has lead to this kind of fallout.

It's discriminatory, plain and simple.

OF COURSE everybody is annoyed by the checked-out parents who don't do anything to help their children learn to be functional members of society. But guess what? Those kids grow up and STILL go to restaurants–as rude, boorish, jerky adults who we all have to put up with..because it's their right to be out and about. Just as it is a child's right to be anywhere he's legally allowed to be. So where's the “Loud, rude jerks will NOT be tolerated” sign? Or “Racist Idiots Will NOT be Tolerated?” sign?

I think the sign was a great move. Children will occassionally scream, and when they do, it's up to the parents to take them outside until they calm down. The majority of children do not scream in restaurants, so as a parent I do not find the sign offensive in the least.

For the parents who are offended, I would like to know why? As a psychotherapist for ten years, I imagine a large portion of my caseload falls into the 'screaming in public places' camp. If you cannot control your child's screaming and tantrums while dining out, what do you think you'll be dealing with when they reach adolescence?

I really think this is kind-of ridiculous. I mean, I understand that people want to go have a nice, quiet dinner. And I do think that parents should know to take their kid out & get them to calm down. Hopefully a parent wouldn't just let their child sit there & scream non-stop at a restaurant. I just don't think it's necessary for a restaurant to have to put up a sign to make parents do that. It doesn't offend me or anything. I guess the wording just seems fairly strong. “Will not be tolerated.” I guess I just don't see the NEED for a sign.

I agree with you 100%. I don't think it's any parent's “goal” to let a screaming child continue to scream. I've been there, and yes, I've been on the receiving end of some of those glares when Lil' Lewie has misbehaved. It's an awful feeling, and I would sure love it if people had some empathy instead of jumping down my back. This is a great post! You won't catch me eating in that restaurant ever either

I think the difference between now and “before” (meaning previous generations) is that before people did not take their children out as much. As a child growing up, we almost never went out to dinner.

I am raising 4 children. 3 are tweens/teens and WAAAAAAAAAY past the screaming child phase of life. But when we were in the screaming child phase of life, if they misbehaved, we took them out of the restaraunt, period. I did it as a single mother, and with my husband.

Common courtesy across the board has gone out the window. I would patronize this restaraunt with my children and if they screamed or misbehaved I would leave. I am a firm believer that if my child is causing a scene and making someone else uncomfortable, it is my responsibility to remove the child or diffuse the tantrum. It is however NOT my right to subject everyone else to the tantrum.

I wouldn't want to patronize any restaurant that seems so hostile to children either, and I don't think under normal circumstances, that such a sign is appropriate.

However, I doubt the owner would hang such a sign if this was not a problem that has repeated itself on more than one occasion. There is even a possibility that this was aimed at a specific, problematic customer that can't seem to take the hint that their child's behavior is inappropriate (and maybe it really is truly awful).

In any case, I'd probably dine elsewhere. I couldn't say with certainty that my child would sit quietly through a meal (he's three and unpredictable). With such an intolerant policy, I'd be on eggshells the whole meal and wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy myself!