No I’m not talking about your favorite reality TV shows here though I do indulge in American Idol, Survivor, and a little of The Apprentice from time to time. I’m talking about television and our children. Right now with two young children ages 5 and 3, this television thing has become quite a sore spot for me. On one hand, I love it. I love that I can prerecord my kids’ favorite shows and have them at the ready when needed. On the other? The stern warnings about obesity, ADHD, and intellectual development being hindered by too much TV viewing seeps in and can fill me with such guilt whenever I settle my kids in for one of their favorite shows.
So how can I reconcile my perceived need for TV in our lives and the much talked about deleterious effects of TV on children? I’m definitely inclined to think that moderation is key when it comes to television and children. I certainly flex that common sense muscle of mine and remain mindful of the time my children spend in front of the tube. However, I still cannot escape the guilt that descends upon me whenever I flick on the television and my two happy campers set up shop on their beloved chairs.
Television definitely has a prominent role in our household. Those 20 minute episodes give me some respite from being “on call” 24/7 with my children. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t (usually) begrudge my role here as stay at home mom but with two young children needing me as their constant entertainer, oftentimes settling them in for an episode of Curious George is all I can do to steal some time away. Dare I say, they actually learn a thing or two? When my son proudly names the different kinds of clouds and declares he learned it from Curious George, I’m both impressed and a little embarrassed that he didn’t learn it from me. Truthfully though I wouldn’t have known that from the top of my head anyway.
The reality for me is that the dinner needs to be prepared, e-mails need to be answered, and sometimes important phone calls need to be made. Often, the only way to get these things done in a timely and quiet manner is by letting them have time with the tube. Yes, the guilt inevitably creeps in and thoughts of what I should be doing fill my head. Play a game with them. Color with them. Take them outside. Read with them. Thing is, we do all these activities together and interestingly enough, there are still more unfilled hours in our day. Hours where my attention must be elsewhere.
I realize this is a phase. Their needing me is temporary and that alone fills me with sadness. When I hear families proclaim that their kids (who are older than mine) don’t watch TV during the week because there is simply no time, I’m faced with the cold reality that I could possibly be squandering away this precious time with my young children. Is it time for me to re-evaluate the role of television in our lives?
It might be. Don’t worry kiddos, The Cat in the Hat, Caillou, and Curious George will still be filling up our TIVO memory and I’ll have them on hand for the times we could all use a break. In the meantime, if you could pretty please cooperate by reading, coloring, and playing quietly while I attend to my other tasks at hand, I would greatly appreciate it.
I’m an eternal optimist. To my own detriment. Wish me luck.
What role does TV play in your life and that of your children? Have you ever felt the need to cut back your childrens’ viewing time?
Dear Dr. Mom,
You are not alone in your feelings about television viewing and children. I too struggle with this very thing. My girls love shows like Timeblazers (history) and Ruff Ruffman (crazy sort of show, but they learn a ton). They both share with us the stuff they learn about history, wind energy, cooking, etc. that they learn from these shows and that's great! But, like you, I wonder if I am squandering my childrens' lives away whenever they are in front of the t.v.
Television viewing time is somewhat curbed for us now that school has started, but I want to get even more strict about it, so I am using the holidays as a distraction right now. We like to make gifts for loved ones, so instead of sitting in front of the t.v., we are beginning our Christmas holidays gift making.
It is a temporary fix, yes, but I am hoping it will inspire all of us in the family to pursue other endeavors following the holidays as well.
Be encouraged Dr. Mom, you're not alone in this battle with t.v./children/mom guilt.
Dear Dr. Mom,
You are not alone in your feelings about television viewing and children. I too struggle with this very thing. My girls love shows like Timeblazers (history) and Ruff Ruffman (crazy sort of show, but they learn a ton). They both share with us the stuff they learn about history, wind energy, cooking, etc. that they learn from these shows and that's great! But, like you, I wonder if I am squandering my childrens' lives away whenever they are in front of the t.v.
Television viewing time is somewhat curbed for us now that school has started, but I want to get even more strict about it, so I am using the holidays as a distraction right now. We like to make gifts for loved ones, so instead of sitting in front of the t.v., we are beginning our Christmas holidays gift making.
It is a temporary fix, yes, but I am hoping it will inspire all of us in the family to pursue other endeavors following the holidays as well.
Be encouraged Dr. Mom, you're not alone in this battle with t.v./children/mom guilt.
TV definitely plays a role in my family. It starts first thing in the morning when I have to get ready for work. My daughter is two and a half and she happily watches a bit of TV while I get ready. I know it's not an ideal way to start the day but it brings a bit of calmness to the start of our day. Otherwise she's in my make-up, she's hanging off of me, she wants to play – it's a nightmare. Then she's off to childcare so no TV there. And then when she gets home I sometimes put something on for her so she can wind down a bit while I prep her dinner etc.
It works for us and she definitely learns new things. Many of the shows are very educational. I don't think it's an issue so long as it's in moderation and there is plenty of time for other activities.
On my day off during the week, sometimes I admit the TV watching gets a bit excessive. Sophia loads up on all her favourite shows and I try and sort out the house/washing etc. We still do all sorts of other things it's just there are a lot of hours in a day when it comes to entertaining a toddler.
One thing I am trying to curb is just having the TV on in the background. I figure you either watch TV or you don't. I think TV watching should be purposeful. I don't like TV being the backdrop to everyday life and I definitely do not like TV being on during meal times. We don't have a TV in our kitchen/eating area and I am always firm about Sophia sitting at the table to eat her meals.
I still get the guilts from time to time but when I look at my daughter I can't help but think – she's awesome – I'm doing a pretty good job!
TV definitely plays a role in my family. It starts first thing in the morning when I have to get ready for work. My daughter is two and a half and she happily watches a bit of TV while I get ready. I know it's not an ideal way to start the day but it brings a bit of calmness to the start of our day. Otherwise she's in my make-up, she's hanging off of me, she wants to play – it's a nightmare. Then she's off to childcare so no TV there. And then when she gets home I sometimes put something on for her so she can wind down a bit while I prep her dinner etc.
It works for us and she definitely learns new things. Many of the shows are very educational. I don't think it's an issue so long as it's in moderation and there is plenty of time for other activities.
On my day off during the week, sometimes I admit the TV watching gets a bit excessive. Sophia loads up on all her favourite shows and I try and sort out the house/washing etc. We still do all sorts of other things it's just there are a lot of hours in a day when it comes to entertaining a toddler.
One thing I am trying to curb is just having the TV on in the background. I figure you either watch TV or you don't. I think TV watching should be purposeful. I don't like TV being the backdrop to everyday life and I definitely do not like TV being on during meal times. We don't have a TV in our kitchen/eating area and I am always firm about Sophia sitting at the table to eat her meals.
I still get the guilts from time to time but when I look at my daughter I can't help but think – she's awesome – I'm doing a pretty good job!
We struggle with this at our house. On one hand, everyone just needs a break, we need quiet, the kids need relaxation…and TV provides just that. On the other, I worry about the same things you do. I know that our kids watch too much television. We're still working on finding a balance.
We struggle with this at our house. On one hand, everyone just needs a break, we need quiet, the kids need relaxation…and TV provides just that. On the other, I worry about the same things you do. I know that our kids watch too much television. We're still working on finding a balance.
I am right there with you! This has always been a struggle. At least in my mind. My kids are absolutely smitten with TV – Disney Channel in particular. My rule, as with most things, is all things in moderation. We do not ever spend entire days watching TV. We do not eat and watch TV. We do not watch TV without being mindful of how much time we have spent watching TV. My kids play outside too. I don't have to convince them to. They just do. They are also straight A students at a Gifted-Talented charter school. Their little brains can use a rest from time to time. And while we are sometimes one of those families who have no time for TV during the week, I do sometimes allow them a show while I prepare dinner (after homework).
You are not squandering your time with them by allowing them to watch TV. Balance is the key. And I think that we are worried about it at all shows that we have the right approach. It is the families that have the TV on all day long every day and who are not at all concerned about it that SHOULD be concerned about it.
The toddler years are trying. It is so easy to be hard on yourself. Don't be. You are obviously doing a great job!
I am right there with you! This has always been a struggle. At least in my mind. My kids are absolutely smitten with TV – Disney Channel in particular. My rule, as with most things, is all things in moderation. We do not ever spend entire days watching TV. We do not eat and watch TV. We do not watch TV without being mindful of how much time we have spent watching TV. My kids play outside too. I don't have to convince them to. They just do. They are also straight A students at a Gifted-Talented charter school. Their little brains can use a rest from time to time. And while we are sometimes one of those families who have no time for TV during the week, I do sometimes allow them a show while I prepare dinner (after homework).
You are not squandering your time with them by allowing them to watch TV. Balance is the key. And I think that we are worried about it at all shows that we have the right approach. It is the families that have the TV on all day long every day and who are not at all concerned about it that SHOULD be concerned about it.
The toddler years are trying. It is so easy to be hard on yourself. Don't be. You are obviously doing a great job!
I think balancing TV time becomes easier when the kids are in school full time. For my older girls, I allow an episode (usually 30 minutes) right after school while they have their snack. I think it's important for them to unwind at the end of the day. Then, when that's over it's on to piano practicing, homework and extra-curricular activities. Usually, once all that and dinner is done, there's not enough time for any more TV. Now for my little ones that are home all day, it's tougher to balance. But I'm not too worried at this point because I know soon they'll be in school too and it will all work out.
I think balancing TV time becomes easier when the kids are in school full time. For my older girls, I allow an episode (usually 30 minutes) right after school while they have their snack. I think it's important for them to unwind at the end of the day. Then, when that's over it's on to piano practicing, homework and extra-curricular activities. Usually, once all that and dinner is done, there's not enough time for any more TV. Now for my little ones that are home all day, it's tougher to balance. But I'm not too worried at this point because I know soon they'll be in school too and it will all work out.
When time allows, I let my daughter have one hour of computer time or an hour of tv time (a couple of half hour shows off our TIVO). I honestly don't think she'll get obese from this. For her, it's the down time she needs. I don't think it's healthy for kids to be kept busy by their parents non-stop. As you pointed out, you can only expose them to so much info. Great programming, such as “Curious George” exposes kids to info that you probably would have never thought (or even know) to share. I think my daughter already knows a ton more than I do from the info she gets off the computer (we limit her to a handful of pre-approved websites).
Everything in moderation!
When time allows, I let my daughter have one hour of computer time or an hour of tv time (a couple of half hour shows off our TIVO). I honestly don't think she'll get obese from this. For her, it's the down time she needs. I don't think it's healthy for kids to be kept busy by their parents non-stop. As you pointed out, you can only expose them to so much info. Great programming, such as “Curious George” exposes kids to info that you probably would have never thought (or even know) to share. I think my daughter already knows a ton more than I do from the info she gets off the computer (we limit her to a handful of pre-approved websites).
Everything in moderation!
We seem to do tv in the morning when getting ready and late afternoon while getting dinner ready. Ellie has learned a ton from watching shows on Nick Jr. And I feel that it has expanded her dramatic play.
I mostly chose shows with music that have her up and dancing so I at least feel better about her not sitting like a zombie!
This is such a hot-button topic. I think what you say about moderation is key. We limit TV, but there are times when it's necessary. I don't think you should feel guilty at all about a show here and there (or every day) – it gives you all a small break and then you can go right back to your day with a little renewed energy (a must for moms).
Oh, and my son learns Spanish from Handy Manny and Diego. How wrong can that be? 😉
This is such a hot-button topic. I think what you say about moderation is key. We limit TV, but there are times when it's necessary. I don't think you should feel guilty at all about a show here and there (or every day) – it gives you all a small break and then you can go right back to your day with a little renewed energy (a must for moms).
Oh, and my son learns Spanish from Handy Manny and Diego. How wrong can that be? 😉
I feel the same guilt, but my kids are also limited. It is amazing when we go to people's houses and their tv is constantly on with cartoons. They complain their kids really do not play with toys. I wonder why?
I think tv is fine in moderation and I too use it when I need to make dinner or get a few things done. I also set them up with activities during this time. And for the most part, my kids would rather color and play than watch tv shows. But, of course, the statistics are always in the back of my mind!
We have a bit of a routine with TV. They watch it during breakfast and then it goes off. And they watch it while I make dinner. Otherwise, I turn it off, tell them to go play, and maybe put some music on (iTunes).
We have a bit of a routine with TV. They watch it during breakfast and then it goes off. And they watch it while I make dinner. Otherwise, I turn it off, tell them to go play, and maybe put some music on (iTunes).
I hear you! I constantly feel guilty about letting Big Roo watch TV but then I realize he often learns something from the shows. I let him watch it in the morning when I'm getting ready for work and sometimes in the evening when I'm cooking dinner. He's under the 2 hour a day rule though so I try not to fret too much.
I hear you! I constantly feel guilty about letting Big Roo watch TV but then I realize he often learns something from the shows. I let him watch it in the morning when I'm getting ready for work and sometimes in the evening when I'm cooking dinner. He's under the 2 hour a day rule though so I try not to fret too much.
Well, my baby is only 12 months old, so he doesn't really get TV. I put on Baby Einstein lullaby and sign language videos from time to time. Usually it's so I can try to answer email or brush my teeth. At his age, it only distracts him for about 3 minutes though.
But I must agree with you, I think moderation is key when it comes to TV. If a child is totally deprived of television, they may become “obsessed” with it when it is on.
Well, my baby is only 12 months old, so he doesn't really get TV. I put on Baby Einstein lullaby and sign language videos from time to time. Usually it's so I can try to answer email or brush my teeth. At his age, it only distracts him for about 3 minutes though.
But I must agree with you, I think moderation is key when it comes to TV. If a child is totally deprived of television, they may become “obsessed” with it when it is on.
My son is 20 mo, and he is more interested in pushing buttons on the remote than actually watching TV. I do realize, however, that even playing it in the background may not be too good for him, and I would rather let him see me read a book than watch TV. After our son was born, we took a huge step and disconnected our cable (gasp!!!!).
I thought my husband wouldnt be able to survive without his history channel and military channel, but so far everyone is still here. Plus, we found out how much of our favorite stuff we can actually watch online at our convenience (read – after baby went to bed) and we dont even have to pay for it.
My son is 20 mo, and he is more interested in pushing buttons on the remote than actually watching TV. I do realize, however, that even playing it in the background may not be too good for him, and I would rather let him see me read a book than watch TV. After our son was born, we took a huge step and disconnected our cable (gasp!!!!).
I thought my husband wouldnt be able to survive without his history channel and military channel, but so far everyone is still here. Plus, we found out how much of our favorite stuff we can actually watch online at our convenience (read – after baby went to bed) and we dont even have to pay for it.
I have a love/hate relationship with our TV. I do feel a little guilty about the amount of time they spend in front of it (and the fact that their little faces go completely blank when it comes on), but at the same time, it's a lifesaver when I need a few minutes. And I also feel like they learn a lot.
It sounds like you have a perfect balance for your family and your situations.
I have seen children who are not allowed to watch any television and when they get a chance somewhere else, a detonating bomb wouldn't distract them. Moderation in all things.
I love your humorous and honest take on it too!
It sounds like you have a perfect balance for your family and your situations.
I have seen children who are not allowed to watch any television and when they get a chance somewhere else, a detonating bomb wouldn't distract them. Moderation in all things.
I love your humorous and honest take on it too!
Honestly? We make millions of decisions as parents and we can't be effective always second guessing ourselves. Who the frak cares in the long run if your kids watched Curious George last Tuesday at 4pm? That 20 minutes won't make them miss the Nobel Prize in Physics. That said, there are lots of ways to get kids out of your hair while you cook or make a phone call. Using TV is one way but it's not the only way. At least a billion other moms across the globe don't have the luxury and manage to get dinner on the table. We shouldn't feel trapped by our choices.
Honestly? We make millions of decisions as parents and we can't be effective always second guessing ourselves. Who the frak cares in the long run if your kids watched Curious George last Tuesday at 4pm? That 20 minutes won't make them miss the Nobel Prize in Physics. That said, there are lots of ways to get kids out of your hair while you cook or make a phone call. Using TV is one way but it's not the only way. At least a billion other moms across the globe don't have the luxury and manage to get dinner on the table. We shouldn't feel trapped by our choices.
“Moderation is key.” You nailed it right there. As long as the kids don't sit around all day doing nothing but watch television, I see no harm in them getting a few minutes of it here and there. 😉
“Moderation is key.” You nailed it right there. As long as the kids don't sit around all day doing nothing but watch television, I see no harm in them getting a few minutes of it here and there. 😉
Dr.Mom, you're right that moderation is key. You are clearly aware of the dangers of watching too much TV, and as an attentive parent, I doubt that you would let your kids reach that point.
Dr.Mom, you're right that moderation is key. You are clearly aware of the dangers of watching too much TV, and as an attentive parent, I doubt that you would let your kids reach that point.
We had no TV under the age of 2 as per the AAP. Then just before age 3 her hearing loss was diagnosed. It was then that I instituted a “no background noise” policy in our home. There has been no TV or music unless we're actively watching/listening. She watches about 30 minutes of TV first thing in the morning on school days (more on weekends) and occasional movies through the week. I think that I would have done things a lot differently with a typically hearing child, but this is one of the ways that it changed my parenting.
The TV is the bane of my existence, but let's face it…sometimes it is easier to have them there so you can do things like cook dinner!
The TV is the bane of my existence, but let's face it…sometimes it is easier to have them there so you can do things like cook dinner!
I don't have any kids, but I do worry that when I do I'll get so overwhelmed I'll cave and just plop them in front of it when I need some alone time. But then again, I guess I'm not forcing them to work in a sweatshop, so it's childhood today isn't that bad.
I don't have any kids, but I do worry that when I do I'll get so overwhelmed I'll cave and just plop them in front of it when I need some alone time. But then again, I guess I'm not forcing them to work in a sweatshop, so it's childhood today isn't that bad.
What a great topic and you seem to have a real handle on it. I've obsessed about this, too – how much is too much – because like you, when the tv can provide me some sort of break for the moment, yes, I turn it on.
However, my son went through phases and now I am dealing with other issues, like through a rewards chart having him earn time to play the Wii and I have now set limits on his DS – I feel like tv has been replaced by other technology that I end up feeling guilty about, too…
What a great topic and you seem to have a real handle on it. I've obsessed about this, too – how much is too much – because like you, when the tv can provide me some sort of break for the moment, yes, I turn it on.
However, my son went through phases and now I am dealing with other issues, like through a rewards chart having him earn time to play the Wii and I have now set limits on his DS – I feel like tv has been replaced by other technology that I end up feeling guilty about, too…
I struggle with this too. JDaniel watches t.v. when I take a shower and before bedtime. I wish I didn't use it to keep him out of trouble and wind down, but I do.
It does seem like the only way I can get things done sometimes. And quiets my kids down before bedtime.
I don't know…I should probably cut back. As soon as our yard gets fenced in, I'll be all for it.
It does seem like the only way I can get things done sometimes. And quiets my kids down before bedtime.
I don't know…I should probably cut back. As soon as our yard gets fenced in, I'll be all for it.
I was one to keep my daughter from any TV until she was two. Then we got some fun educational DVD's and she loved them and I liked a little time to get some things around the house done. The guilt is always there with moms and TV. Lately while my daughter is sick I let her watch different shows throughout the day. She is always so tired lately and I try to play lots of games and do puzzles and then she says she wants to rest. Yes, we read books, but she sometimes just wants to lay on the couch and just watch Little Bear. When she is not sick I limit her TV watching to just a little show after school. Have a great night!
Mama Hen
I was one to keep my daughter from any TV until she was two. Then we got some fun educational DVD's and she loved them and I liked a little time to get some things around the house done. The guilt is always there with moms and TV. Lately while my daughter is sick I let her watch different shows throughout the day. She is always so tired lately and I try to play lots of games and do puzzles and then she says she wants to rest. Yes, we read books, but she sometimes just wants to lay on the couch and just watch Little Bear. When she is not sick I limit her TV watching to just a little show after school. Have a great night!
Mama Hen
We don't have the TV on during the day at all, or in the mornings during the week. When mine were younger, they didn't even watch a regular show, since we didn't have any good channels anyway! I think we have always just limited it, and lumped it in with other forms of “screen time” like video games and computer stuff.
But I sometimes remember how much TV our family watched when I was growing up in the 70's and early 80's and we turned out fine! TV was quite different back then, though.
Let go of the guilt…you are already doing them a favor in the long run by limiting it, and it can be quite a good distraction for a little while while you take a break!
We don't have the TV on during the day at all, or in the mornings during the week. When mine were younger, they didn't even watch a regular show, since we didn't have any good channels anyway! I think we have always just limited it, and lumped it in with other forms of “screen time” like video games and computer stuff.
But I sometimes remember how much TV our family watched when I was growing up in the 70's and early 80's and we turned out fine! TV was quite different back then, though.
Let go of the guilt…you are already doing them a favor in the long run by limiting it, and it can be quite a good distraction for a little while while you take a break!
Yes, now that I have become primarilly a working mama again, I don't have his naps to try and squeeze things in like laundry, dusting/organizing etc. In the mornings, all of us are too rushed (I'm including my husband here) to have playtime, so I do use the TV in the morning while we are getting ready and a little in the evening so I can straighten up the house. At age two, he gets into everything, so the TV is almost used as a safety precaution…I'd rather he watch TV in the morning…then um, reach for my hot curling iron while I'm getting ready. I know winter will bring about more TV time too–a fact I'm not proud of…
Yes, now that I have become primarilly a working mama again, I don't have his naps to try and squeeze things in like laundry, dusting/organizing etc. In the mornings, all of us are too rushed (I'm including my husband here) to have playtime, so I do use the TV in the morning while we are getting ready and a little in the evening so I can straighten up the house. At age two, he gets into everything, so the TV is almost used as a safety precaution…I'd rather he watch TV in the morning…then um, reach for my hot curling iron while I'm getting ready. I know winter will bring about more TV time too–a fact I'm not proud of…
I stuck with the 'no TV before age 2' rule, and my 3 1/2 year old is not the least bit interested in watching TV. He will watch some programs with us, mostly Discovery Channel, and the Today Show in the mornings while we get ready, but it's usually just on in the background while we're doing other things. I've never had any problems getting him to color or play with other toys if I need some time to clean or do laundry. When I'm cooking, he'll pull up a stool and help with some of the easier tasks. He also has his own small vacuum cleaner and loves to mop too – (I'm enjoying that while it lasts). Basically, he does what we are doing instead of sitting and watching television, and he's learning to be responsible in the process. I work full-time, so we try to get in quality time as much as possible when I get home, and that usually doesn't involve watching TV.
I stuck with the 'no TV before age 2' rule, and my 3 1/2 year old is not the least bit interested in watching TV. He will watch some programs with us, mostly Discovery Channel, and the Today Show in the mornings while we get ready, but it's usually just on in the background while we're doing other things. I've never had any problems getting him to color or play with other toys if I need some time to clean or do laundry. When I'm cooking, he'll pull up a stool and help with some of the easier tasks. He also has his own small vacuum cleaner and loves to mop too – (I'm enjoying that while it lasts). Basically, he does what we are doing instead of sitting and watching television, and he's learning to be responsible in the process. I work full-time, so we try to get in quality time as much as possible when I get home, and that usually doesn't involve watching TV.
I wonder if you might consider that MORE than tv time, children need to learn to play quietly alone. And they need to learn to just think and “be” with themselves. So we must model that and give them time for that. And before you think, “yeah, but…” I opted for no tv before my children were born. I decided that if my parents could do it, I could do it. And believe me, my parents did not entertain us. My youngest is almost 18 and is a better reader and thinker and problem-solver (I believe) because she started her first 7 years of life without the tv. Music…that's another story!!
I wonder if you might consider that MORE than tv time, children need to learn to play quietly alone. And they need to learn to just think and “be” with themselves. So we must model that and give them time for that. And before you think, “yeah, but…” I opted for no tv before my children were born. I decided that if my parents could do it, I could do it. And believe me, my parents did not entertain us. My youngest is almost 18 and is a better reader and thinker and problem-solver (I believe) because she started her first 7 years of life without the tv. Music…that's another story!!
I'm reading about your television ideas on your blog and seeing a pattern that resembles mine. For instance as I check my email/blogs right now, they are watching PBS. They have not watched their two hours today, and we have read books, gone to the store, to Monkey Joe's, and out to eat. I am tired. I need a break relating to the adult world. And when this show is over, I'll go back to coloring. I'm glad I'm not alone.
I'm reading about your television ideas on your blog and seeing a pattern that resembles mine. For instance as I check my email/blogs right now, they are watching PBS. They have not watched their two hours today, and we have read books, gone to the store, to Monkey Joe's, and out to eat. I am tired. I need a break relating to the adult world. And when this show is over, I'll go back to coloring. I'm glad I'm not alone.