The gamut of emotions that children go through in a mere twenty four hours is astounding. They truly wear their hearts on their sleeves. For the most part, I can be the spectator, becoming involved when needed to kiss away tears or soothe the frustrations.
However, there are those days when it seems I’m on this emotional roller coaster with them.
I’m there through every twist, turn, and free fall. Laughing, crying, and feeling frustrated right along with them. It’s exhausting. Tuesday was one of those days for us. It should have come as no surprise. Tuesday was due to be a big day and it didn’t disappoint.
It was my first day back to work and I was nervous. I was anxious about being so far away from them and I’m sure my anxiety rubbed off. The emotions started the night before as I prepped Little Sister for our day ahead. Her response? Tears and a “no mommy, I don’t want you to leave”. Of course I understood her sentiment but the guilt immediately set in and I couldn’t help but feel some of her apprehension and sadness.
Cut to the morning and more tears and anxiety on Little Sister’s part. I kept my own tears expertly under lock and key. Thankfully, Big Brother was doing great. He has been loving his twice a week extended day and even asks to stay longer! I’m happy and relieved that he’s having a great time.
Still, I’ll be far. Freeway far, not just a five to ten minute drive down the street.
Drop off was going well and we were making great time. At her preschool, Little Sister asks me to stay but she goes to circle time without a hitch and waves goodbye. My heart aches as I walk away and see my brave little girl join in with the morning song.
Guilt and worry float in and out throughout my morning at work.
Time flies and I’m back at Little Sister’s preschool for pick up. Anxious and happy to see my girl, she sees me and a huge smile spreads across her face…then, “mommy, I want to stay”. Yes, I know this is a wonderful sign but my morning of guilt, worry, and anxiety makes me want to burst out into tears. I don’t. I just smile and wait for her to say her goodbyes.
After picking up Big Brother, we head home. We are all obviously exhausted and I can see and hear meltdowns coming down the pike. Big Brother starts begging for chocolate milk and Little Sister chimes in. They both get frustrated with each other and start yelling for chocolate milk. Really kids, really? I could use some coffee right now but do you hear me screaming for it?
We’re finally home and we all plop down on the couch to decompress. I plead for silence but you know how that goes. I convince Little Sister to take a little nap since we have Big Brother’s soccer party that evening. She does and I snooze too.
Big Brother’s soccer party was a loud, raucous blast. He was bouncing off the walls with his soccer buddies and I could see he was running on empty. Never one to admit fatigue, his little body just kept going and going…until…his prized balloon floats away into the night sky.
Little Sister decides she should release hers too. Why not?
Then comes the tears…times two. Tears morph into full on wailing…times two. My husband and I scoop up our two wailing kids and scurry off to the car. No one needs to witness the complete meltdown. The meltdown that was twenty four hours in the making. I would like nothing more than to start wailing myself. I hold it in check. We buckle our screaming kids in and can’t really offer any words of comfort at this point.
It’s the free fall part of the roller coaster and we’re on it with them.
The next day I’m no longer a passenger on this emotional roller coaster. I’m back to kissing away tears, soothing frustrations, and enjoying the laughter.
And that makes me happy.
Have you found yourself along for the ride on this emotional roller coaster with your children lately?
Doesn't it just tug at your heart when you're expecting your little one to be so happy to see you but they want to stay where they are? I just left Abby overnight recently, for 3 days, and when she saw me she just kind of stared! I was envision a big loud "momma" and more hugs and kisses then I would know what to do with. But, nothing. For about 15 minutes. On one hand, I was happy to see that she's well adjusted and had fun but on the other… I was sad!
I go on a roller coaster with Abby daily. When I'm exhausted, it's always worse. It sound like all of you are going through an adjustment and you'll figure it out. Until then, just enjoy the ride!
I don't think that the ride ever ends:) Even with kids in High School and College, my emotions tend to mirror their highs and lows…yes, I tell myself to get a life, but they are always on my mind:) The trouble is as you say their emotions can turn on a dime, where mine are not as young and pliable and sometimes they either forget to tell me that things have changed…or even if they tell me, I am still riding out the last emotion. When they say that your children are your children to the day that you die…..it is sooo sooo true. I love the ride!!!
I am constantly on this roller coaster with them. And I'm not so sure I'm great at hiding it. Before I was a SAHM, I was a teacher. I remember dreading leaving Julia, and I hated the feeling when she had no problem with it, even though I should have been happy. Now I get mad at kids who hurt their feelings and frustrated when adults don't understand them. Even when you realize things logically, the brain doesn't always get the message, I've found!
Oh, Melissa … I can so relate to this post! ;0) I TRY not to go on the rollercoaster. It is so hard not to, though, especially when they become middle schoolers. I'm nauseous most of the time! ;0) But just this morning, I thought, "My peace cannot rest on the current state of my relationship with my 8th grade daughter!" Much too volatile. I have to consciously practice "disconnecting" from the drama.
Glad things went well for Little Sis at preschool. The first day was bound to be tough. Once you all get into a routine, I'm sure the ride will be much smoother.
Oh Melissa I can picture this so well! What a day you guys all had, and so many emotions going in so many different directions. Congrats on making it through that first day, and here's to many more…maybe not with the lost balloons or screaming for chocolate milk, though!
I'm so glad that your first day went well! It can only get beter from here.
My little one has outgrown the crying stage for the most part…I am hoping it's only going to get better from here too.
Having a daughter on the spectrum means I'm on the roller coaster all the time!
It sounds like your kids are actually doing great and making a pretty smooth adjustment! It was just simply a lot packed into one day! Once they get used to their longer day at school, they'll be fine!
Sounds like it was a night for one of those long drives you take!!
Yes, I often find myself off the roller coaster with them. I will myself to get off but sometimes I just can't!
Congrats on surviving the first day!
Yes, life with kids is an emotional roller coaster. My oldest is a teenager now, and his moods are crazy!
I had to chuckle aloud at "No one needs to witness the complete meltdown." :0) I have SO been there, done that!
My boys are out of the house and I can tear up driving home from work, thinking about what they're going through when times are hard for them. Roller coaster is a perfect metaphor — it has its highs and lows. Loved this. Smile, scream a bit, and hang on!
I try my best to stay off that ride. Sometimes as parents we're just as run down. It's tough. Also interesting that little sister consciously decided to let her balloon go. Maybe next time she'll just tell big brother, "gosh, it's rough being you" and hold onto hers!
I was lucky when I went back to work teaching that my 4 year old son came with me to work. It was my tween and teenager who worried me because they got home or didn't an 1 1/2 before I did! Yikes! Those were worrying times! Things will get better as they get more routine! I'll be thinking of you!
melissa, this was a beautifully written description of the roller coaster that we all feel and live at one point or another. when i first went back to work…*sigh* the guilt! the tears! and those days at home? yeah, they made me happy, too! thanks for giving such an eloquent voice to all of this "stuff!"
Roller coasters describes it so well!
Melissa, you are a fantastic writer. Wow, where did you get the energy for a full day or work and then a soccer party? Right now I don't seem to have enough energy just to eat dinner after I come home from work. Luckily my husband gets recharged at night, and he helps with our little guy. Perhaps our lives would be less stressful if we just wore our emotions on our sleeves and didn't keep them tucked inside…Beautifully written post!
I'm sorry for the emotional roller coaster! I'm sure it's going to take some time until you all get into a routine on work days, etc. You'll figure it out, Melissa!!
I may be wrong in this, but I have let them see my meltdowns.
They've come in too quickly for them to stop, but, I think…this has let them see I am human.
Once, I missed my last baby's first tooth come out…he walked in the door with his tooth in his hand and I burst into tears.
They get the msg: they are my oxygen.
This is not entirely related, but I always feel anxious on the three days where they have to go to the after-school program and the nursery because I teach in the afternoon. I head out to pick them up in the dark (on foot) in three different places and am not at peace until I have them all under my wing.
First, I am so glad your little girl did so well at preschool. It's always a little bittersweet, I know… but good nonetheless.
Second? The roller coaster analogy is just perfect. I've been on that ride many a day.
[…] during the day. I recall vividly a day in the not so distant past, when my son had a super busy, no rest day, culminating in a dinner soccer party. Long story short, we suffered through agonizing cries all […]