It has been awhile since I’ve entertained you with some of my mothering blunders. So, without further delay, here are some lowlights from my adventures in parenting.
I may, or may not have…
…used up a whole box of wipes cleaning my child in lieu of giving him a bath.
…actually uttered the phrase “if you two don’t stop fighting, I’m going to pull this car over right now!”. Thankfully, they didn’t test me on this one. I had no one idea what would have come next. Empty threats aren’t very effective I suppose.
…served pizza three nights in a row because I just couldn’t muster up the stamina or courage to brave the supermarket with a baby and toddler in tow.
…bowled my then 2 year old daughter over with my ginormous diaper bag that swung off my shoulder as I frantically chased her down in a parking lot. It was quite a spectacle.
…suspiciously inspected my newborn daughter when the nurses brought her back to me following her first bath. Pumped up with postpartum hormones, I was certain she was switched at birth. After confessing my crazy thoughts to my husband upon his return; he looked at our daughter, looked at me, then declared “I think we have the right one”.
…forgotten to buckle my toddler in his car seat. Again, I blame postpartum delirium here.
…freaked out a bit when my son woke up crying, refusing to open his eyes. Yeah, I was convinced he was going blind. Turns out…corneal abrasions can mimic sudden blindness.
…told my children to please quiet down because I’m “working”. Work being blogging and writing. What can I say? I take my blog and my writing seriously.
…told my son that if he eats too much candy, he won’t grow up healthy. He interpreted this information to mean that if he ate candy, he will shrink. I didn’t correct him.
…locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes, proclaiming “I need my privacy please”, just so I could sit down and flip through a magazine.
Alright, well there you have it, things that I may, or may not have done. If you can relate, and are laughing with me, then yes, this is all true. However, if you are staring in disbelief and can’t believe what kind of mother, no wait, what kind of pediatrician, would do these things, then this is all purely for entertainment. These things never happened.
Either way, what sort of things do you want to confess to? Of course, I understand they may, or may not, have happened at all.
Definitely laughing with you. I was swinging my baby in her carseat one day to calm her when we were about to leave the house, and one of my twins came up behind me and I clocked her right in the face. The look on her face was that of total disbelief – she didn't even see it coming. And yes, I have forgotten to buckle too.
Love it! I wouldn't know where to start. I am one Enormous Blundered Mess! I love the last one…"Locking self in bathroom for 5 min to flip through your fav mag."….teehee I will admit I have locked myself in more like 30 and upon exiting will hear. "Mom, where were you?" or I will hear through the door, "Where's Mom?!?" or I will hear tiny fingers scratching at the door, and no they are not the dogs..lol But when daddy locks himself in no one notices…NO FAIR!
I just realized today I wasn't following your blog! Duh! Ok, you may not be able to top what I did today, which is make my 2 yr old pass his nap time so that I could drag him and his 4 yr old brother to a Japanese restaurant where I attempted to have lunch with old co-workers! It wasn't the "usual" place that we go, so they didn't have the type of noodles they liked and didn't serve milk OR juice. One of my old work cronies had to run to the store nearby to get milk for Shane (2 and can't live w/o it). The restaurant was terribly crowded and not attentive to the fact I had kids, took their time bringing their food which the boys didn't exactly love when it arrived. 2 yr old ends up sitting on the floor at one point and I let him because he was being quiet. A couple times he darted off to run around and needed help to "catch" him…Attempted to put him down for his nap late and I can hear he's still awake. Selfish mom! Maybe I should write a post like yours, I have some winners!
I may or may not have furiously rocked baby to sleep 10 minutes before All My Children started.
Hey, my *working* is blogging and Internet time too!!! Plus I have pretty much done all of these things too!
Oh I once drove two hours with DD, who was two months old, unbuckled in the car seat. We'd stopped, Id taken her out to nurse and then just set her back down and didn't cat it until we stopped again. I then promptly had a nervous breakdown at the gas pump proclaiming to my husband that I was an unfit mother who'd just tried to kill her baby… yup, people heard. Fun times…
I love your honesty, because it demystifies mothering. (And I'm taking notes. Rumor has it the babies don't come with an instruction manual.)
I have lost track of the number of times that I accidently not buckled my children into their car seats. What can I say I am easily distracted. Thankfully they have always been old enough to let me know about 1/4 mile down the road.
I used to knock my first born's head against every doorway I went though. Once she was a bigger baby hanging off my hip I would be moving so fast that she would kind of be swinging behind me and then get clobbered by the door frame. Luckily I learned my lesson and did not do this with the other two.
Thank you for this. It is just what I needed tonight. The other week I bopped Kaia across the face with my elbow on accident when I went to pick up her spoon from the floor
I might have told my daughter "Oh, just go in your diaper" more times than I care to admit when we were potty training, because it was so much easier than trying to get to a bathroom.
And I might have done a few of these other things on your list as well. Or I might not have.
Oh, I'm sure all of us could relate to a lot of the items on the list! The only one I couldn't relate to was the sudden blindness one. I think that must be an occupational hazard of female pediatricians! You just know too much!
Really funny post!
You're so not alone! All moms have done (or not done) things like this.
I am definitely laughing with you! I've knocked my daughter over more times than I care to admit with a diaper bag or oversized purse! My mom used to hide in the bathroom all the time and it actually became a huge joke. She said it was the only way to escape the five of us. I never understood it back then but now I do the same thing! LOL
I laughing *with* you! Especially the one about your son shrinking if he ate too much candy." SO funny!
I've made tons of mistakes, but my intentions are good. Top of my list would be telling my oldest the truth about Santa when he really didn't want to know. How was I supposed to know that?! Hopefully we moms earn some points for trying our best.
I may or may not have pretended to hear my son wake up 134453534 times during the night so that my husband would get up with him 😉
Hilarious. I won't admit how many of these I've done. But I think I've actually knocked each of my children over with my butt – so the diaper bag is nothin'!
Oh, how I love these! My fav is your son thinking he will shrink!
Um, yesterday marks the second time in one WEEK where my middle son has cut his own hair. They now recognize us on sight at the hairdressers.
The unsung moments of mommyhood. We've all been there!
I actually really love you MORE because you are willing to admit serving pizza for 3 days straight! THAT is what a REAL mom does!
I love this post! We should all do one like it, admitting the funny/crazy things we do to survive! It make me think of this quote:
"I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids" ~Unknown
I told my kids if they did not stay in their bedroom they would have to sleep outside in the snow. When my daughter got out for the umpteenth time I made her stand on the step to go outside while she pleaded for at least her shoes. I made her stand there facing the glass for a moment while trying not to laugh.
Definitely laughing and groaning along with you. I think all mothers can relate to this and if they can't, they are liars and have bigger problems.
Sometimes kids draw useful conclusions that we have no right to correct. I think my daughter has decided that soda would kill her. Who am I to change her mind?
Hilarious!! I laughed out loud at this post! My favorite is locking yourself in the bathroom. I see myself doing that in the future just for 5 minutes of alone time!
Oh, these are great! You've just made women across the blogosphere feel totally normal for serving the same meal three nights in a row and bathing the kids with wipes!
I'm totally tweeting this…
Just this week I arrived to my girl friends house and went to take my son out of his carrier and realized I hadn't buckled him in. I felt horrific. I feel MUCH better now that I am with such good company.
Oh my gosh, yes. What a great idea for a post.
Of the ones hardest one me were forgetting to buckle the baby in, and being 10 mins late for soccer pick up.
I always burst into tears at my failings…
I love this post! I have done a few things on your list and I only have one baby. Real motherhood is so different from the fantasy I had while I was pregnant, you just have to laugh : )
Laughing with you every step of the way. I didn't even find any particularly shocking! It just all sounds so familiar!
We all do it. I've scrubbed my boys down instead of bathing them before. I've served frozen dinners multiple times a week. Thank goodness there are other mothers out there who do the same to that it's a little easier to cope with the guilt.
I cannot tell you how much I loved this! We came home from al ate dinner last night (a story I will blog about soon) and I prayed my daughter would stay asleep when I took her out of the car so that I would have an excuse not to bathe her!
Hee hee. My fave is definitely bowling over your toddler in the parking lot. Oh these sound all too familiar. Thanks for sharing and giving me a good laugh.
Oh my gosh…this is hilarious! I so have these moments too. I can't even imagine what it's like to have two…yes, they keep each other company, but two gets into more trouble than one. My favorite is probably your comment about candy and not correcting his interpretation…yes, better that he thinks he's going to shrink then have him eat too much candy and get a cavity!
My daughter thought that the contraction for 'am not' is 'amn't.' I chose not to correct her. So for a couple of years, I would say, 'Stop doing that!' She would respond, 'I AMN'T!' It was too cute to correct.