Driving through narrow, winding roads on a wet and cold afternoon, I wonder (silently) if we are going the right way. After our second near miss of a head on collision, I speak up. “This doesn’t seem right”, I finally say, more than a little perturbed.
“I know, but the GPS says we’re almost there.”
I want to shout out about how dumb the GPS must be and that we could clearly have been there already if we had just looked out our window, used our common sense, and followed the signs. I know I don’t need to speak the obvious. He already knows what I’m thinking. I’m certain he is thinking the same thing.
Then it hits me, right there on that narrow, winding road, how much parenting advice is like this GPS. As parents we want to do things “right” by our children. We seek out advice from books, from experts, from google, and from friends. And, while that advice can be helpful and much needed at times, we have to remember that parenting advice is meant to be a guide, not a how to manual.
I’ve definitely been led astray myself when I felt compelled to do things by the book. I was certain that if I just followed the steps laid out before me, my child would be sleeping through the night, using the potty, and eating a variety of healthy foods.
In my quest for finding the “right way”, I got lost. I forgot to look at my child, use my common sense, and follow my motherly instincts. I forgot to read the signs that my child was giving me. Now, I know a little better. I know that there are many paths to take in this parenting journey. Some roads might be narrow and winding and perhaps not the best way for my child. Others may be smooth and straight, with only a few bumps along the way.
My job as mom is to figure out the best road to take for my own child. To remember to look up from my book, magazine, or computer and see the signs right in front of me. The ones that will ultimately lead me in the right direction because they are the ones given to me by my child.
What a great post. I think a lot of us do that…"Dr. So and SO says_____" and we try to fit our square peg into a round hole. I actually am pretty laid back but I know what you are saying and feel you have a great point!
I love this. This has got to be the best analogy I have ever heard.
I love this so much!
Great analogy! Parenting is definitely not the same for every child and we do have to clue into our children to guide us. It's so tempting to try to follow a how to manual but it's just not that easy!
You are so right, Melissa! No matter how old they are, or what "stage" they are at sometimes it just takes a gut check and some good old momsense to figure it out.
Great post!
You know what strikes me as interesting? I bet our parents or our parents' parents NEVER worried this much about doing "right" by us…and we all turned out okay.
Off to my therapy appointment, see you later!
Very true. I read and ask others because I often NEED someone to just tell me what to do. But when I really stop and pay attention, my kids are the ones who tell me the most.
Great post, Melissa. Half (or more) of the battle is reading your own child.
I think just as hard as it is taking a different route than the GPS, it is equally hard sometimes to just go ahead and do what is right for your family, despite all the "advice." I've been asked repeatedly why we do certain things, and now I can just say, "it's what works best for us."
AMEN!!! i'm in the middle of potty training HELL right now…..and i'm starting to wonder if it's because he's just plain not ready yet. i mean, he's 3.5 years old and ALL the books (and our pediatrician) say that he should be ready and/or already potty trained. i'm thinking i'm about to throw the danged "gps" out of the window at 100 mph 😉
Yes! Such a good reminder to follow your gut. I do love a good parenting book and some quick advice, but that's often because I worry that I'm too laid-back and perhaps I need more of a push. I need to remember that's not always the case!
And I completely agree with Yuliya!
Great analogy! I wished I listened to my instincts when I thought something was "off" with my daughter rather than listen to the teachers (GPS) who kept telling me she was fine and headed the right way!
I couldn't agree with you more. And its amazing what our children can teach us about their care, if we only look and listen.
I think there are a few Type A Mom's that could use a little of Dr. Melissa!
Oh this is excellent! I don't know why we have such a hard time trusting our own instincts. It seems like much of the time, we fight them. Especially when it comes to parenting. But I have learned that my own instincts are always the best when it comes to my child. Our pediatrician helped me get there. She once told me, "Trust your instincts. No one knows better than you what is best for your child." I took it to heart.
So much so. We can get so wrapped up in how so and so says it's supposed to be – that we forget we're actually the expert when it comes to our own kids!
If only raising kids was as easy as following a book!
That would change everything as far as most parents are concerned!
You are so right Melissa! My pediatrician once told me that if the books had all the answers he wouldn't have a job, and that a big part of his job is to reassure moms that they are doing OK. He definitely helped me to become a little more relaxed!
well said. sometimes i think that parenting advice is like a melon stand. you have to go through most of them to figure out which are good and which are not, and even when you take one home positive that it's the sweetest one, it might not be one once you cut it open. You smell them, you bang on them, you shake them, and yet there is no prediction of whether or not it will work for your purposes. :-))))))))))))))))
very true! i am quite laid back but when people ask me "WHY ash is not walking yet? WHY ash is not talking yet? WHY ash does not know where his nose is?" etc etc. i really had to buckle up and pay attention to all the strict guidelines to parenthood but then again every kids grow in a different pace so i go back to my "laid back" nest. hehehee
This is excellent! NOW that my kids are older, I've figured this out, but I WISH I had read this post when my difficult kids were babies. It would've made life so much more enjoyable!
What a perfect post, Melissa!
I couldn't agree with you more.
I think that we have to view parenting as a process, not something that we can do according to a stranger's guidelines.
I know my children…I know what makes their hearts full and what deflates them. I know our family dynamic and how we work.
No book could tell me that.
Love, love, love this post!
Seeking the advice of millions of books is about trying to regain control of a situation where you don't feel you have any. At least it was for me. Once I realized that a lot of stuff with parenting is out of my control, following my gut became a whole lot easier!
Baby books, schmaby books. Parenting by instinct and comfort level = happy children and happy parents.
What a great analogy!
I am a perfectionist and struggled a lot postpartum with PPD…I wanted to be that perfect mom…by the books etc. That I forgot to just stop and go with my heart and common sense. It's taken me 2 years to realize that 😉
This is so true. I realized this after reading all those parenting books when my daughter was first born. Somewhere in the books they forgot to mention that we need to trust our own instincts first.
This was a wonderful post, and so true!
This is a perfect analogy. I read every issue of Parents and Parenting magazines. And felt betrayed when their advice did not work for me.
I did exactly what they said. And wondered, "Now what?" when their delineated steps failed.
My kids are now 11 and 13. We have survived over a decade of our journey together. And I'm trying to rely more on my common sense.
Instead of Parenting GPS…
Excellent post, Melissa! And so very, very true. All of it. No one knows our children better than we do.
Even about the stupid GPS!
Absolutely perfect analogy. Well done!
Isn't that the truth!
And every child is different. What worked for #1 may not work for #2.
I wish I had more children, I get so much smarter with each one.
THAT is awesome advice!!!!
Great analogy, and the first blog that really made me feel involved in it on this Saturday Spotlight. Nicely done, Dr. Mom!
Worth a follow, for sure.
So very true! I have been there with both the GPS and the parenting advice. Our poor 3 YO. When she was an infant she HATED being on her stomach. But everyone said they have to have tummy time. She'll never learn to crawl without tummy time. She'll have a flat back side of her head without tummy time. She screamed and screamed and screamed while I cried and told her she just had to hang in there for one minute, just one minute every day. Ridiculous! I never should have tortured her. She hit all of her milestones on time or early. Poor baby. I vowed not to repeat that with our youngest. Of course, she liked tummy time.
oh yes, i have a love-hate relationship with parenting books!! love them… but need to consistently remind myself that i have a God-given intuition for a reason… and though i *will* make mistakes, i will be a great success as a mom if i relax into my intuition and follow my gut more often than not.