A year and a half ago, Big Brother, who was then only four and a half years old, declared he wanted to “ride on two wheels”. He had been at the park earlier that week and saw some “big boys” riding their bikes and of course, he wanted to give it a try.
I was hesitant and kept asking if he was sure, his reply was always yes. So that night, I had my husband remove the training wheels and we brought that little 12 inch bike with us to our camping trip that weekend. To my surprise, Big Brother was determined…and right. He zoomed around the empty parking lot by our cabin with only a scrape or two once the day was over.
He was so proud, so determined, so happy.
For the next year and a half that would be the only time he rode that little 12 inch bike without training wheels.
That same week, he asked us to put the training wheels back on. Again, I was hesitant but for a different reason. Why would he want to put them back on, now that he had clearly mastered riding without them?
What I hadn’t realized was that he was still getting a hang of balancing. He could ride very well in wide open spaces but when it came to riding at the park with those narrow pathways, he immediately became frustrated and riding wasn’t fun anymore. He wanted to zoom around those corners and down those paths just as his friends were doing. Most of them still had training wheels.
So, I happily obliged. After all, riding bikes should be fun at this age, training wheels or not. My husband worried that by putting them back on, we would be holding him back. That he would be regressing. I convinced him that he should just have fun. Besides, it was his choice.
He happily rode that bike with training wheels for the next year and a half.
Until last week.
Now, on the brink of turning six, Big Brother announced he wanted to “ride on two wheels”. I could see the determination in his eyes and the confidence in his voice let me know he was serious. This time, it was a 16 inch bike needing the removal of those training wheels.
The next day, we took him to the park sans training wheels and he was off. Just like that. I tried my best not to cringe with each wobble or shout be careful too many times. Surprisingly, I was fairly calm because I was too busy studying his little face. The light in his eyes, the half smile on his face as he realized he really could ride a two wheel bike.
He circled the path time and again until he made it through without falling. I didn’t even panic when he ditched his bike in the bushes and fell on the sidewalk. He quickly got up, announcing “I’m okay, I’m okay”.
He was ready and ready to handle the bumps and bruises that come along with learning something new.
There was no hiding the pride in my face and the huge smile plastered on it. Not because he was riding a two wheel bike without training wheels. No. I was proud that my son knew it was time. He knew he was ready and he went for it.
Without doubt, without looking back, this boy on the brink of turning six knows himself. He knows when he’s ready to tackle something new and he goes for it.
As parents, we worry so much about timelines. When should my child be reading, writing, or in my case, riding a bike? What my son taught me here is that the only timeline that matters is his. Some kids will have mastered the two wheel bike by age four, others maybe not until age 10.
Sure, I still wonder when he’ll pump that swing all by himself or when he’ll sit down to read a book just because he can. The thing is, I realize some things cannot be rushed. It doesn’t mean I don’t worry or make sure there’s nothing else going on.
It just means I remember to watch, listen, and learn. My son was clearly ready for take off because he was motivated, determined, and had a blast unleashing his new found skills. I’m glad we let him go at his own pace and followed his lead on this one.
I just hope I remember to keep my fear in check and be just as patient when he comes home declaring, “mom, I’m ready to drive a car now!” Oh, I shudder just thinking about that. Good thing I have some years to practice before we have to cross that bridge.
What milestones are you waiting on? Has your child shown you he/she is ready to try something new?
Love this post, the story and the lesson. The training wheels that I am hesitant to take off: the diaper. And yes, I've made this more about me and MY convenience than really listening to my child.
Thanks Melissa, this is giving me some food for thought.
I think there's a fine line between letting them set the pace and challenging them a little. Sawyer was riding w/out training wheels at 4 1/2. Sage did it at 4, but then we got her a bigger bike and she refuses to take them off it.
Other stuff, like reading, I find I can encourage, but when it "clicks" is probably pre-programmed.
Also, motherhood is hard.
Way to go Big Brother! We moved to a neighborhood full of older (still little to me) girls. Julia was riding on two wheels in no time. She couldn't stand not being able to keep up!
I love the part where he says, "I'm okay, I'm okay." Congrats big guy!!
What a great lesson! I think I tend to force my kids into situations – like taking off the training wheels. We took them off early and made them struggle for those first few months. And then again when the bike got bigger. And now they have bikes with gears and handbrakes and had no problem making the transition. Finally over that hump for good.
I need to read their cues better instead of forcing them to charge full steam ahead in every situation. Either that, or be ready to discuss it all later in therapy!
Great lesson to remember. It's so easy as a parent to constantly look ahead, to mentally check things off some master childhood milestone checklist.
For us, Abbey is moving into a big girl bed this weekend, on her third birthday! We're waiting for Dylan to walk consistently and talk a little more. Trying not to worry, but it's a little hard because A was so verbal so early.
Umm I still can't ride a two-wheeler and am seriously contemplating getting a tricycle… I want to ride a "bike" I'm just a big fat chicken!
Wow, you handled that transition well–I'm not sure if I could watch all the bumps and bruises without shuddering just a little. For me, I'm waiting for potty training time. Next year he'll be entering pre-school and they want him potty trained. We'll see if in a few more months, he'll be ready, since after all, it is on his timeline and not mine. Great point!
That is a tough area! I think all of us want our kids to hit certain milestones. I think if we knew they WOULD get there in their own time, we'd be fine. The real fear is the, "What if they can NEVER do it?
What a great post! My tot is larger than most kids his age. Heck, he's larger than most kids 2 years older than him…LOL. I tend to hold back and he lets me know when he is ready. What I am not ready to let go of? Pull ups at night. He's almost 4 and I just can't do it. He sleeps like a rock and I don't want to deal with waking up at night because he needs to get up or wet sheets and blankets! Ugh! I know it needs to happen though. And much like everything with him that I think is going to be difficult, it will probably be no problem!
Best,
Tina
One of the things that I strive to achieve with my children is a strong foundation of trust.
You and Big Brother have clearly established yours! That you trusted him to know what was best and he trusted you to respect his choices speaks volumes about your relationship.
And that trust will come in so handy when he's a teen and beyond!
Oh, what a big boy!
I want to keep mine little. I think it was my oldest reading me a book that really hit me. He didn't need me to read it to him. What happened to my little boy?
Oh, I feel a little teary just reading this. And thanks for the excellent reminder. I just recently caught myself wondering whether my guy "should" be riding without training wheels by now.
Terrific post…and congratulations, mom…what a huge milestone!
Something else that came to mind when I read your post was a story we ran about a year ago by an inventor of something called a "gyro-wheel". It replaces the front wheel on a bike with a wheel that uses gyroscope technology to keep it upright (no training wheels needed). I'm not a techie so I can't say much about how it works other than it was incredibly cool and seemed to help little kids (and their parents) transition to a grown-up bike with minimal bumps and bruises. Anyway,I don't want to take away from Big Brother's triumph. Just thought it was a good thing to know about – just in case it was a tougher transition for Little Sister.
Congrats again!
Ps. In case you're interested, here's the link to the post about the Gyrowheel http://www.pediatricsafety.net/2009/07/gyrowheel/
I love this, Melissa, and it applies to SO many facets of parenting! I remember so clearly when my kids were "ready" for that next step, whether it was potty training, bike riding, or staying home alone. There's a huge sense of pride that you've raised them to be confident in their abilities not only to master something new, but to challenge themselves to try.
But then you also feel that little tug of "big-kidness" pulling them away from babyhood.
Which requires US to be confident and ready! Great post, my friend!
Oh, my…there are always milestones, no matter how old they are. I just wrote last week about how hard it is to sit on the sidelines and watch the dating game. Same story, second verse.
Such wise advice — pay attention to your child, not the timelines. Great post!
I think it's great he was comfortable enough to ask you to put them back on. Not many kids are secure enough to ask their parents to do that. What a good boy!
what a brave boy! im waiting for ash to speak his first word! he's already 19 months old……
Milestones I"m waiting on?
That would be done.
They are never going to college and they are going to live at home with me forever.
xo
What a great reminder that sometimes we need to sit back and let our little ones tell us when they are ready for something. Good for him for being brave enough to master riding his bike on two wheels!
I really like letting the kids set their time lines about most things. I may have pushed a little in the water, but after like 15 minutes, they weren't scared, they were proud. So, it worked out. But, that was my main exception. I want them to feel comfortable and to trust me. Sounds like your fellow has that relationship with you.
That's a sweet picture of him riding his bike! I know you're proud of him! He knows himself.
I don't go by timelines too much, but we've decided that we need to take the binks away from the Crazies and I am not going to be a happy camper.
Love this anecdote about waiting until your child is ready for something. It really shows that there is something to be said for not forcing the issue.
this is such an insightful post! i definitely need reminders to let levi go at his own pace. usually, i'm good at it… but like anyone i have my slip-ups. especially when i start allowing myself to get into comparisons with other children. not good! and not fair for our kids! we ALL need reminders to let them grow and develop at their own pace… not that we don't help and encourage and sometimes even "push" when necessary… but ultimately they will grow when they will grow. love this story by the way. what a little legend you have.
How true. Thanks for the reminder. Aidan's 6 1/2 and he's still not ready. There's just too much fear there, sometimes even with the training wheels.
I love this post! I agree that it's best to just let kids do things at their own pace. I'm eager to watch my son master the two-wheeler this Spring. He tried in late November, but it has snowed every day since, so he hasn't had a chance to practice.