Recently, I have been thinking, what wisdom would I impart to my new mom self if I could miraculously go back in time? Besides telling myself not to worry so much and that yes, I should really sleep when the baby is sleeping…what have I actually learned in the last six years?
What I’ve come up with, are what I consider to be my top 3 parenting mantras. These parenting mantras seem to have stood the test of time, though I’m sure I’ll have new ones for the tween and teen years. Nonetheless, I thought I’d share them with you.
Parenting is not one size fits all. Honestly, I love this one and I think we all really know this. I, however, seemed late to catch on when I was banging my head against the wall wondering why my 6 month old son was not sleeping through the night like all the books said he would…and should. Through these last six years, I’ve come to realize that parenting advice and so-called solutions to many parenting issues we face, are just that…advice…to be taken with the proverbial grain of salt.
What I found is that my son, needed to co-sleep, my daughter? Not so much. She preferred bedtime routine, lights out, and good-bye.
Each child comes with their own unique set of needs and temperaments. It’s up to us as parents to figure out what makes them tick and only then will be able to flesh out the advice that will work for our individual child and family.
This too shall pass. I know this is such a cliche, but the simplicity and truth of it makes me love it. This mantra/cliche can be applied to almost any situation you find yourself in as a parent…both the good and the bad times. When I was mired in the sleep deprived newborn days and the only thing that seemed to work for my baby was my arms, 24/7, a good friend gently advised that these days are indeed too short.
It was hard for me to recognize at the time, but in reality…so incredibly and bitterly true. Repeating that mantra over in my head helped me see the big picture, and by doing so, I was able to relax more and enjoy my baby. Same idea holds true for the potty training, pacifier weaning, and tantrum filled days.
On the flipside, knowing that this phrase, this too shall pass, holds true for tender moments as well, helps me to savor them more deeply. Like those quiet moments, just before your child drifts off to sleep, clutching her beloved blankie…that moment you hope to sear in your memory forever? That too shall pass…so savor and bask in it.
Follow your instincts. I know we talk about this a lot in parenting these days…that’s because it’s so important and true. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in what we “should” be doing that we forget to check our gut and ask ourselves, does this “feel” right.
I’ve learned to arm myself with information, ideas, and advice but to always tune into my instinct before making a decision on behalf of my children. After all, when it comes down to it…mom really does know best. Oops, a fourth cliche that I completely love.
There you have it, my top 3 parenting mantras thus far in my parenting journey. I think of these whenever I’m faced with a parenting dilemma, and you’ll find these mantras peppered throughout most parenting posts that I write.
What about you? Do you have a favorite parenting mantra that gets you through tough times?
I enjoyed this post. Especially this too shall pass…when my youngest was born (she is now 3) I held on tight to every day, tried to keep her my baby as long as I could. Gracie was my last baby and I wanted to cherish every sigh and cry and newborn expression something that as a single mom with my first and the exhaustion of my twin boys I seemed to miss the precious moments. Now with all my kids I cherish all the moments I have with them because soon enough childhood will pass and they will be adults. Excellent Post!
Very well said. Couldn't agree more.
These are fabulous. Maybe this will be what I pass on to new moms as well (As well as my own children.) I'm with you one the parenting isn't one size. I felt guilty for the longest time because my children didn't have the same bedtime as everyone else's children, and my children weren't on the same schedule, and my children weren't doing the same thing as everyone else's – until I realized that we were doing what worked best for us as a family and what worked best for our children. That knowledge has helped me so much, both in my confidence as a parent and in my sanity.
These are perfect. So grounded in common sense, but things we needed to reminded of in the day to day grind of motherhood.
You covered the major ones Melissa! About the time we figure the parenting thing out, they head off to college as I am coming to learn! Loved the post!
Follow your instinct is my big one! If I had followed mine, my daughter would have had her autism diagnosis a year earlier!
I'm not sure I agree with you second mantra. While it fits when you have a typical child, it doesn't always apply when you have a child with special needs!
The other one I would add in is to be a supportive mom and not a judgmental one. Other people may have different parenting approaches. They do what works for them, whether it fits in with your philosophy or not. It doesn't make you a better or worse mom,just a different one!
Great list otherwise!
Hi Melissa! Found your blog through SITS and love this post! This too shall pass (known in our family as: Everything is a phase) has really helped me through the rough times. You know, sick kids, sleepless nights, temper tantrum periods… But it also reminds me to cherish where my kids are now, because next year everything will be different and we can't get these times back. Thank you for your post!
ps. I didn't introduce myself to you, sorry: I'm Lotte, a Amsterdam-based mom of a three year old and an 11 month old.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head! Stuff we all know, but maybe don't put into words so often!
Great post. Thanks for sharing.
I'm too new at the parenting thing to have a mantra, but if I did it would be something like "Don't sweat the small stuff". This is my first time on your blog and I'm really glad I found it
I love these Melissa! They're mantras, for sure. Also lessons learned; sometimes hard ones.
The mantra that I want to own is "Does it really matter?" Kind of like Don't sweat the small stuff. But sans the word sweat!
all 3 are great! One more that I try to remind myself when I'm overwhelmed and feel torn between getting things done vs enjoying my kids is "Chances are, I'll look back and regret that I didn't spend more time with my kids…but I'll never look back and wish I'd spent more time cleaning/washing dishes/etc."
This too shall pass… my favorite.. I used to repeat this to myself over and over when I was sleep deprived and I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day.
One I use often is " don't sweat the small stuff" and I guess this really can be applied to every situation, sometimes somethings are not worth fighting for which goes along with " learning to pick your battles"
Great post like always,
Alex
Hello –
Found your blog from your comments on Motherlode – I too am a doctor-mom; an academic family physician with an 8 year old daughter and 4 year old son.
My absolute fave is that parenting is not one-size-fits-all. I had exactly the same sleep differences with my two kids that you mention. My first, high-strung, colicky daughter had to be nursed and rocked and held as much as possible, co-slept, etc. I was all geared up for the same fraught, exhausting sleepless nights with #2, and as I'd cuddle him the poor little guy would throw his head back and arch his back as if to say "for the love of God, Mother – put me down so I can sleep!" Fortunately I heard him and so it has been for the last 4 years.
Different things work for different kids and different families – I tell this to my patients all the time. The hard part is figuring out what is best for YOU.
Keep up the good work!
Kristen G (Boston)
These are really great mantras. <for myself, I'd add another – go with the flow.
yes, yes, and yes!
and #4 – i'm a great mom, i'm a great mom, i'm a great mom…. and then repeat. (or a close substitute: i'm the best mom my kids could ever have!)