Bedtime is serious business around here. Once I’ve announced that the bedtime routine has commenced, I’m in no mood for elaborate stalling techniques or having to repeat myself 10 times before a certain Big Brother actually brushes his teeth.
I guess you could call me the bedtime drill sergeant…whatever. I’m completely serious about bedtime.
It’s not just because my children (at age 3 and 6) need 11 hours of sleep per night (they do), or that I’m worried about their growth, development, and overall health (I am), it’s because my husband and I need a break come 8:00 pm.
It’s a time in our busy day when we can actually have an uninterrupted conversation, decompress, and peacefully ready ourselves for the next day.
That is, if everyone cooperates and we don’t end up crashing out ourselves as we cuddle our munchkins to sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the bedtime cuddles and the endless pillow talk that Little Sister and Big Brother crave once the lights are low. These really are precious moments with them.
However, our sanity, as parents, also relies on protecting some space and time just for us.
Lately, this has been tough.
Big Brother and Little Sister have become masters of the stall tactics. I’ve been exasperated and become easily frustrated when I have to repeat what they need to do (get in their PJs) for the umpteenth time.
So what did I do?
I brought out the reward charts. They get to pick out a sticker of their choice each night they follow the bedtime routine and stay in bed once the lights are out. After seven stickers they get to pick a prize from the Dollar Store stocked prize bag.
And guess what? So far it has worked like a charm. Never mind that Big Brother has already asked us to up the ante by requesting certain bigger (and more costly) prizes. I’m sticking with the Dollar Store for now Big Brother.
So I guess you could say I pay my kids to go to sleep.
Call it what you will…bribery or positive reinforcement.
My husband and I call it peace and quiet.
And it’s worth every.single.penny.
What have you employed the reward charts for lately? Is bedtime a struggle for you too?
Yeah, that worked for us for a couple of weeks. Back to the stalling and whining. Le sigh…
Oh no! Only two weeks? Say it isn’t so. I can see that my oldest is starting to become bored with the process,but I’m trying to keep it enticing and worthwhile
My kids are too young for the reward thing to work (yet). But I am SO with you on the early bedtime. I take sleep very seriously. Partly (sometimes mostly) just because I NEED that time to unwind, talk to my husband, take a bath uninterrupted, whatever.
Good for you…sleep is serious business. Time to yourself and w/ your husband is essential
Ha! I totally agree with you, Melissa. I have always coveted that “adult” time with my husband after the kids were in bed, no matter how much I adored bedtime routines, books, and cute jammies.
And I do have to say that it’s hard now, because they are old enough to stay up later and we are usually ready to hit the hay no later than 10:30! I adore them, but we need our adult time, too.
We don’t really catch a break as parents do we? I was just thinking about this the other day…how bedtimes will be much later when they are older. Ugh!
I am totally with you! I struggle with those whose kids keep their hours and go to bed the same time as they do. Not only am I not sure this isnt quite right for the kids, it doesnt seem right for the parents. Evening time is soooo precious when they are little.
My kids don’t give us trouble going to bed, but I “pay” them for plenty of other things. And I would totally pay them if bedtime became a problem. We really do need our time to ourselves to keep us sane.
So, what kinds of things do your kids get paid for? It really is a good incentive, isn’t it?
Bedtime has been a painful process off and on for the past year or so. My almost 3 yr old and 17 month old are devastated when its bedtime, despite the whole usual routine leading up to it. For me it is the most exhausting part of the day unfortunately. Just trying to stay patient and consistent through it all. My husband likes to say to me when I look totally fed up, “Hey at least you know they obviously love us and like being near us.” I may consider a reward chart too, but so far neither have shown much motivation with reward charts. They lose interest after several days. Otherwise I would be using a reward chart for everything!
Those are tough ages Yolanda. My oldest was (and still is) a very resistant sleeper and for the longest time I would have to lay with him in order for him to fall asleep.
BTW, I used to joke with my husband that I needed to have coffee before going upstairs to put the kids to bed!
I hear you on how exhausting it can be. Kind of takes away the “magic” of bedtime. Hopefully your 3 year old is almost at the age where small rewards will work. Then at least you only have one resistant sleeper to contend with. I wish you much luck because you most certainly need some down time after the kids have gone to bed
Mothers of children on the autism spectrum generally call these rewards positive reinforcers (but we think of them as bribes). They’re the cornerstone of behavior therapy, and they’ve been an unbelievable therapy tool with my daughter! She’s a changed girl because of reward charts!
Yay for positive reinforcement. I love how it makes everyone happy all the way around. I will never underestimate the power of reward charts
Hi Melissa,
I found your website through KevinMD.com. I’m a family physician and blogger as well! I totally agree with you on the importance of husband/wife time after the kids are in bed! We have had such a struggle with our now almost 2 1/2 year old with bedtime. I wrote about our “child who never sleeps” here: http://mommyanddaddymds.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep%20training.
I hope your reward system works out for you! Enjoyed reading through a few of your blogs today!
Thank you Dr.A! I’m looking forward to reading about your “child that never sleeps”. Ugh! That has got to be challenging to say the least. I hope your resistant sleeper soon learns the virtues of a good night sleep
Yes, it was a struggle. We were consistent, but sometimes they refined their stall tactics or were just truly a little needy. It was up and down, but we pretty much held the line.
I teach high schoolers who don’t get near enough sleep, and it shows! I say, Mom and Dad, hold the line. Be the parents.
I imagine that teenagers are by far the most sleep deprived. They stay up late and are forced to get up early. But you are right, we must hold the line and do our best to ensure they get their zzz’s!
I totally remember those days! Yep, I bribed them – whatever works because as parents we do need some non-kid down time. When you get some relief and rest you are a happier mommy so keep up the great work Melissa!
Thanks Paula
Yes, downtown is essential to our sanity.
We are the same person. My son (almost 3) has a nap rewards chart, and my daughter (4 1/2) has a going to bed chart. He earns cars and she earns books. I earn quiet time. Win-win!
Ooh, I love the earning books idea. I may start that one very soon. Forget these cheap dollar toys. I love books! Thanks for the great tip
[…] you know why I started paying my kids to go to sleep. Apparently, I need to pay him […]
I guess I used to stress about this. I read all the books about the importance of adult time, etc. I agreed with it all and still do. However, I found I was stressing too much. I admit my kids could probably get more sleep than they do. These days with teenagers it is even tougher. And not to mention having the little 6 year old wanting to always be like her older brother and sister. I don’t know if it is age or time, but I have chilled. Technically 9 is the time they need to go to bed. Cell phones must be plugged in downstairs and ipods in their chargers. However, they will fall asleep when they are ready to, when they are tired enough. Sure, there are nights when I wish they would all be asleep at 8 (lots of nights), but in our house this just works better. You need to do what works in your house and for your kids :).