Since this past Tuesday’s Dr.Mom column in The Sacramento Bee, where I discussed bedwetting and encouraged parents to try to relax and not worry so much; I’ve had several e-mails and comments. Two of which I believe deserve more attention, so I will expand on those today.
Feeling Humiliated
The first comment that really got to me was from a woman who clearly remembers being a bedwetter. She says it resolved when she was 7 years old. However, clearly the psychological impact on her still remains. She recalls feeling absolutely “humiliated” upon waking up and realizing she had wet the bed.
She vividly remembers dreaming that she was using the bathroom, only to wake up shortly thereafter, discovering she was still in bed and had, in fact, wet it.
This is a fairly common scenario among young bedwetters. They sleep so deeply that their brain and bladder do not communicate effectively or in time for the child to wake up and use the bathroom.
What is NOT okay is that this grown woman still remembers the humiliation.
How awful is that?
It really is why I emphasized that parents do their best to not criticize or shame their child for doing something they cannot control. Which is exactly what happens in children who bedwet. I did not have the opportunity to ask this woman if her parent’s reaction is what prompted her feelings of humiliation or if she simply felt this way because she could not understand why this was not under her control.
Either way, the lasting impact of this psychological stress is something no child should have to endure.
So parents of bedwetters, this is what I want to emphasize to you: if your child is clearly stressed and upset over her bedwetting in spite of your reassurance and understanding, it is time to help her speed up mother nature. Work with your child to help her gain some control over the situation. Consider potty alarms. Make sure she has been evaluated by her pediatrician (to rule out medical conditions such as diabetes, urinary tract infection, or obstructive sleep apnea to name a few). And above all, continue to reassure her that it will get better (remember 85% of children will outgrow it without any intervention) and it’s not her fault.
No child should have to “wait it out” if in spite of our best efforts they are ashamed and humiliated. Know your child. Know how he is feeling. Only then can you make the best decision on whether or not to give mother nature a helping hand.
Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Bedwetting
The second issue that I feel deserves more attention is the possible link between bedwetting and obstructive sleep apnea. I received a couple of e-mails regarding disrupted sleep and persistent bedwetters.
Here is what we know so far on this issue. For one, as I explained in my column, children should be thoroughly evaluated by their healthcare provider to ensure their child does not have a co-existing medical condition causing the bedwetting. Secondly, parents should be aware of the link between children who have obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) and bedwetting.
A study published in May of 2011 by the American Urological Association found that half of the children with OSA who underwent tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy stopped wetting the bed. So we know that disrupted sleep (which happens in OSA) affects nighttime urine production and interferes with the brain and bladder communication.
What we also know is that not all children with OSA wet the bed and that not all children who do wet the bed and have OSA will be “cured” by surgery.
We only know that this is one piece of the puzzle as far as bedwetting is concerned. So, if you suspect your child may have OSA and is a persistent bedwetter, talk to your child’s doctor. You never know, drier nights may just happen sooner than you think.
What questions do you have about bedwetting? What has been your experience
Ask Dr. Mom: Debunking Bedwetting MythsDeirdre chats with Dr. Melissa Arca about bedwetting myths.
My sin night trained the day he potty trained at 2.5, but my 4yo daughter is a super deep sleeper and still in pull ups. She gets frustrated at times that baby brother wears undies to bed, but waking her is a struggle and she needs her sleep. I’m taking the relaxed approach, but I sense her starting to think about it more, so we might have to do an alarm soon. Ugh. She gets sick the minute she loses any sleep, so I always prioritize sleep.
I wish you the best Katie. And you’re right about prioritizing sleep. Hopefully her brain and bladder will catch up sooner rather than later so she doesn’t worry about it so much
I completely agree and appreciate your comments about shame and humiliation. It is so important that we don’t break kids down…
Best,
Tina
Thank you Tina. We certainly do not want to break kids down. Well put.
One of my sons had this problem and we just did not make an issue out of it, knowing his night control would come with time and physical maturity. Once we all (especially grandparents) understood this, we just let nature take its course with no anger or humiliation.
Great job Lisa. So glad you were all able to relax and let nature take its course.
We tried the potty alarm for a while and it worked. We thought we were done, got rid of the alarm and it started up again. He is 9 yrs old now. We have talked with the doctor about it and he has assured me he will grow out of it. Do we buy another potty alarm? What do you know about biofeedback? We are both sad that his body hasn’t caught up yet.
Hugs to all parents who are dealing with nightly bedwetting. I remember so well how helpless I felt to help my son. I have a child who wet the bed nightly (often several times) until he was 8 years old. Children who wet at night have a sleep pattern in which their brains do not recognize the full bladder signal when asleep. So it is definitely not laziness, its NOT their fault!
For my child, at first, I just invested in a couple pair of washable, waterproof underwear http://astore.amazon.com/bravandgrac-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=8 this webpage has lots to choose from in lots of different sizes even waterproof boxers. And used a waterproof sheet protector http://astore.amazon.com/bravandgrac-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=7 to minimize the laundry.
When my child reached the age of seven the bedwetting began to chip away at his self esteem. He began to fear his friends finding out and showed frustration about the bedwetting. We solved his bed wetting by using an alarm. The alarm trains the brain to react to the full bladder signal when asleep. He went from being wet every single night to completely dry in about 6 weeks. The bed wetting alarmhttp://astore.amazon.com/bravandgrac-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=2 has given us years of dry nights.
My child absolutely loved the children’s book, Prince Bravery and Grace – Attack of the Wet Knights. It is the story of a young prince who struggles with “the Wet Knights” and eventually defeats them by using an alarm. It’s funny yet empathetic and gave him the understanding and motivation to end the bed wetting. http://www.braveryandgrace.com has lots of positive information about solving bed wetting.
Also be sure not to overlook snoring or constipation as these need to be addressed before using a bed wetting alarm.
The best advice for parents about how to stop bedwetting I found is the book, Seven Steps to Nighttime Dryness, by Renee Mercer. Invest in the books-they make the process so much easier, then an alarm -its the best decision I ever made.