Diapers. Gone.
Swaddling blankets and strollers? Donated.
There’s not a pacifier in sight nor bottles to be washed.
As I look around our home, I’m hard pressed to find signs that babies used to live here.
Bouncy seats, baby swings, diapers (both dirty and clean), bottles, and a plethora of baby blankets have been replaced by Legos, dolls, and a crazy amount of hot wheels and stuffed animals.
Then my gaze stops at that place on the wall. The one which holds proof that babies did, in fact, once live here.
My babies. In all their adorable, chunky goodness captured forever in those photographs.
My babies, who are now 4 and 6.
Yes, I know...they will always be my babies. They will. No matter how much they might protest.
But gone are the days of holding them for hours on end. Because they wanted and needed that.
Gone are the midnight feedings that had me wondering, when is this going to stop? while simultaneously understanding that I should treasure these moments.
Lately, I’ve been vacillating between sadness and a feeling of liberation realizing that my baby days have likely come to an end.
It’s a hard realization actually.
Closing that baby door is kind of like a punch to the gut.
It hurts and makes me a little sad.
And then, I think...well, hello…you can’t just keep on having babies because you miss the baby phase. Well, you can if you’re Michelle Duggar and have your own reality show, but that’s another woman’s story. Not mine.
Not waking up every 2 to 3 hours to feed and rock a baby back to sleep…well, that’s sort of liberating.
Not taking two hours to prepare for what should be a simple trip to the grocery store? Liberating.
Not pleading with your 6 week old to please stop crying so mommy can take a shower? Very liberating.
Not flipping through Go the F to Sleep while nodding, crying, and laughing all at once because unfortunately, you can completely relate to that level of frustration and sleep deprivation?
Yeah…that is pretty darn liberating…and priceless.
So, while my baby days may be over and the amount of sleep I get at night is now largely under my own control, I will hold on to the memories of my sweet babies.
I may even sneak into their rooms while they’re away at school; dig into that bottom drawer where I’ve stashed that tiny blanket, that first set of baby booties, and that onesie I couldn’t bring myself to give away….and I’ll remember our baby days.
I’ll probably shed a tear or two but also smile thinking how nice and quiet the house is right now.
Yes, sadness and liberation when the baby days are over.
I better enjoy it before the teen years sneak up on me.
Are you done with babies? If so, how do you feel about it? If you’re in the thick of the baby years, come on over…I’ll get my baby fix and give you a much deserved break!
I can absolutely relate to this post, yesterday Aliza didn’t want to nurse before nap or bedtime…broke my heart a little and simultaneously felt fantastically liberating!
Oh my stars, I can’t believe you posted this as I’m going through the “post-baby blues”!!! I am 43 and feel too old to have another one, but my husband and I have been so sad lately thinking our “baby days” are over. Our youngest is four years old and it’s truly like I blinked and our three kids are out of the baby stage. It’s hard and yes, it makes me very sad! I love the diaper bags, diapers, breastfeeding, etc. We loved that stage, and even though we are enjoying the stages our kids are in now, we miss when they were babies and hate to say it’s completely over!
Thanks for posting this, it helped – Kelley
I was hesitant to admit it myself. Writing this post helped. My son asked me the other day if I was going to have any more babies…because “it would be fun”. I was kind of sad knowing that, no probably not. It’s hard to let that stage go. So hard.
BTW, my youngest is 4 too. I cuddle and baby her probably more than I should but I kind of don’t care
In the thick of it! I’ll be there in 20 minutes.
#4 is four months this week. But since she is my last I feel like it is all slipping away way too fast. I have to force myself to give away the newborn clothes!
Yes, you’re in the thick of it. Enjoy. I really love the 4-9 month age. They’re smiley, babbling, and can’t run away from you
Tears. I miss the baby days. I still have a three year old who needs a lot of snuggle time, and a five year old who follows me everywhere, but I do miss those little hands and feet and tiny sounds. It’s hard watching them grow, but it’s also completely amazing.
I’m in the middle of trying to decide what to do! We have 2 boys, 4 and 2. I wish the decision were easier
It is a hard decision and not one that can be made in one moment of time. I guess it sort of crept up on me. Maybe just give yourself some time. Maybe you’re not done
Yes, this. I know this. Done by mind, wistful by heart. Beautifully told friend.
Oooh, I love that Galit…”Done by mind, wistful by heart”.
I’m done with the baby phase–have been for awhile. While I do miss the special sweetness that time holds, I mostly don’t miss that stage at all! I love having a more independent kid that’s SO easy to travel with (without having to schlep all sorts of extra supplies). I think my daughter’s age of 7 is perfect! She still thinks I’m the best and is a lot of fun to hang with–most of the time!
I’d like to have one more if we could so I don’t feel like we’re done, but I know how heartbreaking it is to watch your baby leave babyhood behind. My daughter just started insisting that she do things by herself and while I love her independence I still feel that pang of discontent that she is gaining independence from me.
Awww… yes, my babies are long gone. But look at the bright side — you have many more “days gone by” to look forward to. You have the no-more-in-elementary-school years, you have the no-more-in-high-school years, and (yikes!) the flew-the-coop years. All with a whole bunch of lasts to look forward to!
I hope I reach the point when I know I will definitely be done. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, and even though I have a 3 month old and will tell you that I’m done, I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to give up my hope for my fourth, and final, child.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about though not something I wrote about in my post, is how I keep seeing “bigger” families. I think it would drive me over the edge to have more than 2 right now, but I also think how I know I’d be happy when they were grown to have had more.
Oh don’t make me cry. I am still very much in the baby stage, but I sense it slipping away more each day. I want to capture it all, lock it into my memory (or at least some digital file), and write down every single thing I hear them saying. I am a sentimental mess, despite how much I long to get on with it and be past this stage. It is a heartaching tension. My husband thinks I’ve gone mad.
I have just one and he will be 5 in March. (hold me). It’s all been such a blur…I feel sad and yet excited and scared all at the same time. It’s very conflicting.
Great post.
Best,
Tina
This is such a great post! Thank you for sharing your candid response to these experiences. I’m in the thick of having a 15 month old daughter who is learning to talk, stand, walk and developing her own personality. While I’m savoring these moments, I, too, miss the “baby” stage… even while she’s still this young. Love the idea behind your blog!
Ab