I’m not a parenting expert.
I don’t have all the answers to doing this parenting gig “right”. Not by a long shot. In fact, I’ve been very candid about my parenting mishaps. Take a look here and here. Oh, and here too.
Parenting is hard. It’s also the most important thing we’ll ever do.
We’ve heard this all before.
Because it’s true.
What I am…a pediatrician who has studied medicine and children’s health. That I know. As a mother, I also know that parenting is a bit trickier. It’s not an exact science and oftentimes, I find myself groping in the dark just as I did as a new mother trying to get my newborn to sleep.
I learn something new everyday. Just as it should be.
I’m also passionate about advocating for children. It’s a natural extension of my profession. I love sharing parenting strategies that are both helpful to parents and good for children.
So, when I read stories like this, and like this. It disturbs me. And no matter how hard I fight myself…I cannot just be silent. I can’t.
What I see, hear, and read all around me these days is how children must be hushed, must behave, follow directions, and sit still. How parents must discipline, say NO, and stop being so permissive.
Just take restaurants banning crying babies and toddlers getting booted off airplanes to realize our society…well, we seem to have a pretty low tolerance for kids.
Sure our children need boundaries, limits, and guidance. You know what they also need?
Respect, compassion, love, and kindness.
I often see the absence of this in our daily dealing with children. We are so focused on the end result (quiet kids, no whining, following directions, being obedient) that we often skip over the most important part…connecting with our kids. Showing them they are worthy of our time. The time it takes to listen to them. The time it takes to explain our parenting rules. No, we’re not just crazy grown ups with crazy unfair rules. We actually have a purpose and usually it’s a good one. We want our children to grow up to be kind, caring, and respectful adults.
We just can’t get there by skipping over the most vital step.
Nurturing our relationship with them.
We may get kids who listen and follow directions by barking orders, implementing harsh punishments, or saying NO because I said so.
But by doing so…what we’ll ultimately get are adults who really don’t care.
So, I do think we can tweak our parenting perspective a little. We can take baby steps in our daily parenting routine that will ultimately have global impact. And folks, this isn’t rocket science. We can all do it. It isn’t always easy, I know. Believe me, I know.
But…try this the next time you’re tempted to put your angry face on…
Put respect, empathy, and kindness on the top of your parenting to do list and I guarantee you’ll see results today and for generations to come.
For parenting strategies and ideas, I love these passionate child advocates:
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I. LOVE. THIS! Retweeting again and again. xo
Oh, Katie thank you so much. And, huge oversight on my part…just added you to my favorite parenting and child advocacy sites. Thanks for all you do! XO
I could not agree more. I can’t believe the number of times people have actually told me to keep my kids quiet – while we are in the grocery store. You need quiet while picking out your produce? It’s ridiculous. I do my best to let my kids know that they are loved, they are special, and that I like them the way they are.
That doesn’t mean that they don’t get disciplined. Because I often think we see the other side of this as well, parents who are so determined to be the “nice parent,” there is no discipline.
It’s a delicate balance and it’s a challenge every day to find that balance.
What a fabulous reminder of how and who to be.
Bravo Melissa! I just love this gentle reminder – thanks so very much!
Have a great weekend!
I struggle with this issue a little bit. I do however try to remind myself everyday that I need have patience. Thank you so much! This is a great reminder!!
Great article!Thanks for sharing!
This is so beautiful, Melissa! So simple and so true. I am ashamed to say that before I had kids I was definitely one of those people who thought children needed to be more quiet etc. There was just so much I didn’t understand!
So I try to keep that in mind when I get the stink eye from someone or sense that someone is going to “hush” us. I try to keep in mind that perhaps that irritated person just has forgotten what it’s like to be a child. And perhaps that person just doesn’t know that children deserve to be in the restaurant/on the airplane/in the store just as much as adults do.
Love the post! Will definitely share. And I am so honored to be listed among such wonderful parenting resources (all favorites of mine as well)! xo